I first met my husband when i was in a bad situation and only 19. We knew when we first laid eyes on each other that we like the other. We started dating 2 days after that. 3 weeks after I moved in with him. 1 yr after meeting we were engaged but because of various reasons didnt marry till we had been together 7 years. Now here we are being together 9 years almost 10. Alot has happened and changed.

One thing is hubby did cheat on me. It was almost enough to completely sever our relationship like that "snip". I tottaly shut down I was very depressed and paranoid and suspicious of "everyone". I quit eating and taking care of myself. I doubted myself my entire life and my entire history. but in the end hubby talked the talk and walked the walk. He quit drinking "it happened while he was drunk" He went to counseling "also said some childhood issues played in" He agreed to all kinds of extra rules like never being alone with another female. For the 1st year this even included his mom. We had no sex for a long time and I had a really disordered relationship with it. He was really patient and in the end we came through it. Our sex life is wonderful. I trust and love him even more. He values and cherishes me for all the things I was and now the power of my ability to forgive as well.

Now to the part where things change. I felt the need to have more sexual experiences. I felt the need to be submissive and to experience bdsm. Hubby tried but absolutely could not dom me. Was very uncomfortable.

We talked and came to an agreement that marriage is a spiritual bond that does not have to be based on sex etc and does not have to be our be all end all. We agreed that its a impossible pressure and unrealistic to make another person soley responsible for the others wellbeing in any arena. To this end we agreed he gets more guy time and more alone time and that I was to be allowed to look for a dom. Because of our agreements Anal and vaginal intercourse is cheating. Oral is not. Touching with hands is not. Going against any conditon that we set including time limits etc IS even without sexual activity.

If hubby all the sudden started domming another person after refusing me that would be cheating. However him subbing for someone after appropriate discussion would not. This is a change from early in our relationship. Even looking at the opposite sex was call to accuse cheating lol

"What is considered infidelity in polyamorous relationships?" Again depends on all the agreements and ground rules and communication.