Hi denuseri,

First you are critical of qualities in yourself that are charming and very admirable. You seem to show more concern for others than yourself.

Second, you people often get into relationships for a misguided or wrong reasons. Before you are ready to share yourself and life with someone you have to really know and understand yourself. Otherwise you find as many unhappy surpised in a relationship of your making as your partner. Its best not to be discovering yourself when your trying to balance a relationship.

any relationship is built around trust, faith and understanding. Friendship, dating, marriage or D/s relationships all need these. Alot of what happens in a relationship depend on the expections you start with and what changes you are willing to accept to stay in one. You spoke of the woman being crtizied for staying in an abusive relationship. That the poeople writtinmg in could not accpet or understand her staying despite the abuse to try and work things out. Society now does not seem to be willing to allow anyone to make judgement calls on thier own any more. In such a relationship a person has the right to weigh the fear and danger of abuse against the value they place in the person and relastionship they are trying to keep. As an adult we have that right and responcablity to make those judgement calls ourselves. Its far to often that people want to cut and run in any relationship at the first sign of trouble.

Now as to infidelity in a relationship. YOU really like hard questions dont you.
In an ideal world two people would fill each outhers needs completely and neither would need or want anything serious outside their relationship. However , both men and woman each have resons to look outside their choosen partner for a need thats not being completely met. So, the first thing that hits most poeple is that they are failing to make their partner happy. So they have the guilt of failing to make them happy mixed with fear and anger because they worry 'whats wrong with me .... why cannt they be happy with me?' So you have to ask yourself do you and your partner have an exclusive relationship. Do you know for sure they understand it and want that too. Do you have a closed relationship or an open one? If the issue has NEVER come up or been discusssed EXPECT that your partner assumes its open. The expectation is that in a BDSM relationship you can play around since you already are WAY outside of normal conventions. So the question is how does it affect you once your partner ends up with someone else. Was it just sex, a meaningless fling or a one time mistake. Do you accpet their word it will never happen again if they evne promise it? What if they tell you its now the first time and not liekly the last? Is that the end of the relationship? Is it a deal breaker? it goes back to the adult value call. Is the infidility worth the relationship you want to have. is it worth excepting as part of the reality of what the relationship really is. Each person need sto dexice if it is for them. I wish you luck in making such a choice and living with it once made.

Daumon