the answer to all those questions you posted is NO.. you CAN have pain with out bondage, you CAN have bondage with out pain, you CAN have humilation with out pain or bondage. BDSM is a broad heading in which so many activities fall under, not all are for everyone. Before meeting (or playing online if that is your prefence) discuss with the other party what they are seeking, what gets them excited, and be just as honest in saying what does it for you. A good Dominant will take your interests and needs into account and combine them with his/hers to find a play style that fits the both of you. I do alot of humilation play, and most of it never even comes close to painful. Humilation can be as simple as making some one say hello to a stranger, or as complicated as making a sub put an add on craigslist begging to be a cock sucker for an unknown ( yes I did that to one of my male subs) Finding the perfect conterpart for your needs is soething I believe we are all seeking. Good Luck Wyked