New sub/slave both on line and in life needs guidance

[Ozme52]

Regarding the question of being able to stop a scene that's too painful, physically or emotionally... or crosses a limit you hold strongly... that is always your right.

It matters not if you style yourself sub or slave. You have the right to withdraw your consent.

The advice given above regarding limits and safewords is well founded... and there are a lot of threads you can search for within the forum to gain tremendous perspectives and points of view... and I suggest you read them... and direct your dom to them as well.

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Let's not muddy the waters though... There were a lot of statements that are not to the point and quite debatable.

BDSM is NOT about violence,

Sorry bro... bdsm is very violent.

1: marked by extreme force or sudden intense activity <a violent attack>
2 a: notably furious or vehement <a violent denunciation> b: extreme , intense <violent pain> <violent colors>
3: caused by force : not natural <a violent death>
4 a: emotionally agitated to the point of loss of self-control <became violent after an insult> b: prone to commit acts of violence

Only definition 4a belongs outside of bdsm. Spanking, whipping, flogging, paddling, knife play, needles and piercings, asphyxia play... all violent.

The sub is ALWAYS in control

You have confused consent and control. The dom controls virtually everything. The sub consents to give up that control. Consent can be withdrawn. And make no mistake... if the sub is in my control, and withdraws consent... s/he is still in my control. I can choose to not stop, wrong though it would be... but the control is in my hands.

There is a saying within the BDSM crowd I run with ...
"If you make your sub cry...then you've done something wrong."

So... even ignoring crying for joy... cathartic crying... and crying out of sadness... I can begin a list of circumstances where the sub will cry, from induced pain, and would never wish to stop the scene. The statement is just too general. Sounds good in the context of this particular question... but just doesn't give good general advice to slave4ever96.

How about something as simple as a spanking... continued to tears... and only then allowed to cum... and a hundred subs on this forum who will say "Oh My Yes!!" Piercings can bring tears... as well as the endorphin rush that follow. Humiliation and degradation play can bring emotional tears... and is craved by many.