New sub dealing with new feelings of "neediness"

[hopperboo]

Good post. Yup, yup.

However, I am out of element here. I have a new found sense of irrational neediness (vulnerability).

I have felt...and still feel a lot of that vulnerability. Not so much 'needy' just...excited, nervous, and scared. I think most of that vulnerable feeling (for me) is that I am afraid I will get attracted to a "dominant" that is just a total asshole (i.e. not a dominant at all) and is playing games with my head.

I've BTDT online and I am NOT looking forward to ever being hurt like that again, online or offline.

Go back to vanilla dating where I don't have these issues and just hone my skills at apologizing for the bored look on my face

Haha, that sounds exactly like me!

Honestly, I don't even like dating. I try to avoid it. Every time I casually meet a guy I find attractive he opens his mouth and spoils it. I give up on it quickly. I just don't see the point in dating someone I am not 100% attracted to, leading him on and making myself sad, so I rarely do it. And on those rare times when I am in-between how I feel about the guy the first date cuts it and I realize it's never going to go anywhere because even though he may be cute, he doesn't do it for me.

But maybe I don't have enough patience and 'it' won't just jump out at me within the first 20 minutes.

I have, like all of you, chosen to continue this route and tackle my issue. I personally think neediness is a VERY unattractive quality and am surprised that I have found myself feeling this way.

*Nods.* I got interested in some BDSM and D/s subjects a few years ago and gave up after about a year...then I came back. I'm not sure the kind of man I am looking for I will find within this lifestyle, but I think I might be closer that the...straight "vanilla" guys. I am just so tired of them always wanting me to run the show because they think that it is what women want. It really depresses me. (Hence why I don't like dating).

I feel the same about neediness. But then...I like being taken care of...I like someone handling me...etc, so I wonder if that is a type of neediness in itself. Perhaps it is. (When I think about neediness though, I think of a person who cannot go potty without someone holding their hand).