What is BDSM?

[damyanti]

In this lifestyle, one chooses which of the three they wish to be. You chose to be submissive, subordinate, or slave to your Master/Owner. Sometimes you choose two, sometimes you choose one, sometimes you choose to be all three. Your choice as a submissive/subordinate/slave dictates the kind of play you do. After all, any Master worth their salt will not force you to do something you don't feel comfortable doing, unless you specifically say you want to do it regardless of how you feel because it is something you've wanted to try.

I think its more along the line of finding the right fit, the right balance and enjoying the journey getting there and the exploration of it. Do we really choose what to be? (Yes, we choose our Dominant partner and whether or not to submit...and in what way and how...but thats not what I am talking about.) I don't quite "get" subordinate, so maybe we choose that...but submissive/slave...do we choose that anymore than we choose to be heterosexual/homosexual? And where do switches fit in?

just rambling

p.s. I love long posts

[Veridical]

I think its more along the line of finding the right fit, the right balance and enjoying the journey getting there and the exploration of it. Do we really choose what to be? (Yes, we choose our Dominant partner and whether or not to submit...and in what way and how...but thats not what I am talking about.) I don't quite "get" subordinate, so maybe we choose that...but submissive/slave...do we choose that anymore than we choose to be heterosexual/homosexual? And where do switches fit in?

just rambling

p.s. I love long posts

I was more so meaning the choice between which term you wish to use to refer to yourself. If your nature is to be a slave, then you will no more be able to change that than change the weather. If you deny it for too long it becomes an aching hunger than burns with the fury of one thousand suns.

Switches are a variable between the slave/submissive/subordinate and the Physical/Mental/Verbal. They are still fundamentally based on these categories, but they utilize more of them then the average bear. Again, a switch chooses which category to refer to themselves as, and the basic principle behind my initial post is still valid even for them. ;D

The choice of which term we use to define ourselves as a bottom or as a top will determine how others of the opposite end of the equation will view us. That's why we must take care to choose the truthful one, as oppose to the one we want to be true.

[Dom Teacher]

I don't quite "get" subordinate, so maybe we choose that...but submissive/slave...do we choose that anymore than we choose to be heterosexual/homosexual? And where do switches fit in?
COLOR][/B]

You bring up a great question of essentialism (W/e are what W/e are because W/e are... sumus ergo sumus) and constructivism (W/e are what we desire to become).

Are you submissive because you are by nature, or by choice? Am I Dominant because that is who I am or because that is how I have constructed myself through my experiences?

In the nature v. nurture debate, which is really what this is, both extremes are naive, in My view. But the middle of the fence is naive and fallicious, too. No one comes into the world desiring the aspects of the lifestyle, but they do scratch that itch inside of U/s that evades description.