I truly do understand your dilemma, bambina; however, there comes a point in life, where you have to decide what's more important to you. You only go around once, and if you're going to let everyone dictate what you should or should not do, than you're going to live the life "they" want and not the one that brings you pleasure.

When you look back many, many years from now - what do you want that person in the mirror to say to you? Honesly, you can't live in fear your whole life wondering what others will think of you, because there's going to be people who judge you no matter what kind of life you live.

And if, at this point, you are just that fearful, than perhaps you should put your wants and needs on hold temporarily.

Whatever you decide, I wish you well.