I completely understand what your saying (although i do have to say that keep being shocked at how much the private life of politicians is being dragged into the public eye in America, but that's a different subject)

For me the ambitions are less lofty - I just dream about being a writer. And for now I want to write erotica. But it will completely drag me out of the closet should my greatest dream of being published should ever come true. Hell, even in non-erotica there are usually D/s themes involved.

Sure you might say, write under a psydonym - but how could I not tell my mother that my greatest dream has come true?
Part of me thinks that maybe I could write it so that it is accessible to vanilla people and not just weird and perverted, but its still scary.

So, I agree with some of the above. Maybe you do have to consider the possibility that there are certain things you can never do - after all we all make priorities for what we want. I have high respect for you because you do.