Why do many BDSM people look down on switches?

[voxelectronica]

I'm pulling quotes out of this as I go so if you see yours great!

"As least maybe I assume, since I call myself a sub, that I can't think like a Dom."

I think this is the most brilliant thing I have red on this topic!

I have the word "slave" tattooed on my back. After YEARS of being a sub i decided that is were i was at. That's what i was. I was a sub, i wasn't going to change that and the idea of being Dom was ICKY and uncomfortable.

It took a set of circumstances to make me come to terms with the fact that i also liked being Dom. Though i still struggle with a lot of my original feelings of "Dom inadequacy" but i was able to hit the ground running as a Dom because of my previous sub life.

When i read this

"If you both submit and dominate, then you cannot be really serious/devoted in either.

Or that a Dom or sub is born that way, and that is just the way it is.

Or that doms/subs never ever switch.

Or they get in the way of each other in a practical way."

It reminds me very much of the ways that people think of gay relationships and honestly it's just not understanding.

I've been there. I can understand why people think this way but they're missing a few points. The truth is they lack the ability to comprehend another persons life style. They ask their perfectly valid questions (to them) but no one can make someone understand a feeling.

[leo9]

It reminds me very much of the ways that people think of gay relationships and honestly it's just not understanding.

I have had just the same kind of hostility as a bisexual on gay lists, and the same kind of comments - "you haven't found what you really are," "you're really gay/str8 but you won't admit it." It seems that some people are deeply attached to their personal categories, to the point where they feel threatened by anyone who seems to suggest that those categories aren't as absolute as they want to believe.

Men for whom "being a man" is basic feel threatened by gays (and don't even mention TVs). Gays who care about "gay identity" feel threatened by bis. People whose indentity is bound up in their couple relationship feel threatened by polys. Doms who believe that "some are born to rule and some to serve" feel threatened by switches. And so on.

Rimmer: "I am what I am and that's all that I am." I think Descartes said that.
Kryten: No, Sir, that was Popeye.
Rimmer: I knew it was one of those philososphers.

[LadyAznTiger13]

I have had just the same kind of hostility as a bisexual on gay lists, and the same kind of comments - "you haven't found what you really are," "you're really gay/str8 but you won't admit it." It seems that some people are deeply attached to their personal categories, to the point where they feel threatened by anyone who seems to suggest that those categories aren't as absolute as they want to believe.

I think that is the core of the problem.
I am Bi and I get looked down alot because of it, getting the whole ' u just haven't found ur side' BS. In the BDSM community, I get looked down for being a switch... same thing. I am a switch yes, but I will be the first person to tell you that I will never switch roles with one person... it makes it awkward, and i could never take that person seriously. Some people stroke my sub strings.. others make me want to stroke their sub strings. That's the end of it to me. I enjoy being dom and I enjoy being sub. Each of us have a calling that is more often than the other (for me its being a dom) but when all is said and done, we'll go to the other side willingly if the right person strikes us that way. I think that is the part ppl find hard to believe.
However, when you look at people's backgrounds and such, you come to realize that they too are switches and they just don't notice it. Or i seem to notice that trend among doms. There are alot who stepped into the world as subs who associated as doms later... so did they not enjoy that slavery before?
Since so many things are grey in the world, ppl find comfort in the black and white, slaves must be slaves, doms must be doms. Anything we say won't change those people who find that comfort enough to insult or point it out but... we know better, don't we?

[voxelectronica]

I have had just the same kind of hostility as a bisexual on gay lists, and the same kind of comments - "you haven't found what you really are," "you're really gay/str8 but you won't admit it." It seems that some people are deeply attached to their personal categories, to the point where they feel threatened by anyone who seems to suggest that those categories aren't as absolute as they want to believe.
.

God help you if you aren't gay or lesbian. if you are something in between you can (almost always) kiss that group of people goodbye. Feeling a little transgendered one day? Don't bring that up too much.

It's the same here. There are some vocal (and who knows how many non vocal) Doms who are talking about not wanting a switch sub. Honestly... I think it's fear.

I started switching because a lot of Dom's out there (and yes i have a lot of experience), suck. I had an idea in my head of perfection and very few (like maybe 2 in real life and 3 online) even came close to that. Doesn't this search or perfection make me any less submissive? No it doesn't. I want to please my Master and i want to be his perfect sub. I wasn't born his perfect sub so he should have the self discipline inside himself to train me to be more pleasing.

I WANT discipline and I found that I could instill that in me by training a sub. I could discipline myself because i wasn't going to let a sub down and i want her to grow as a person AND as my property.

This want in me for perfection doesn't make me less of a sub. It does make me a picky sub but I'm a picky Dom too. If you aren't going to submit to me and learn from me and grow for me then I don't want you. Likewise if you are a Dom who isn't going to teach me, discipline me and blow all of our plans because you wanted to get off, i don't want you.

If i submit to you, it's more than just worth it. I take pride in everything I do and know what to give and no i wont think about Domming in my off time... I'm yours. Just like i don't think of subbing when I'm with a sub that would be silly.

[CoupleOregonJack]

The more I read on this site, the more I see I have to learn. I'm Way too inexperienced to say anything about switches. I really don't know where I stand yet, so maybe I'll write something intelligent when I have some experience. So maybe my last post should be ignored. I'm sort of willing to bet I will drop my tentative switch label and hop off the fence before too long.
Anyway.. I think this is a great place with lots of great information. I just read a piece about finding real doms and avoiding creeps that people really should read.. I think it was under something like info for newbies to bdsm.