I engage in topping and bottoming while at the dungeon I'm a member of. When I bottom in a scene, I don't consider that anywhere near submission. I negotiate what will and will not be done to me. I can halt it at any time if I don't like it, and I don't worry about whether or not the top is enjoying him/herself. It's really all about me getting my jollys. When I top, I'm actually providing a service. The bottom is not my sub. Therefore, I do only what the bottom wants and no more. I have no authority to push him/her to keep going so that I can inflict more pain. It's not all about me.

For me, D/s only factors in when I'm in a relationship. That's where the actual power exchange takes place. As trust and respect grows, I give more of myself. It spills over into life outside of the bedroom.

In my opinion, what you're describing is what is commonly referred to as being a "bedroom submissive." Not everyone desires lifestyle D/s, and that's fine.