Role advice

[SilverWulf]

Thanks for the excellent question and for your willingness to come right out and ask it here.

Finding your place within the lifestyle can sometimes be a difficult thing, there's no doubt about that. First of all I need to say this: There is no physical activity that is strictly 'dom' or strictly 'sub'. Ok, take out the specific kneeling or physical surrender positions that many submissives learn <chuckles>

If you enjoy certain activities it does not make you any less of a Dominant, and whoever says it is not ok for a Dominant to like certain things is an idiot. Many Dominants enjoy the things you have listed, and many other activities as well.

If your girl is willing and able to do things for you (or to you) at your request, she is still submitting to your will even though she happens to be the one holding the candle or the whip.

Do you have a desire to submit to her will? Do you want to kneel at her feet and beg, or follow her direction in other areas? If so, you may very well be a switch and there is nothing wrong with that either.

Are you just interested in the physical sensation itself and not the mental surrender? If so, you may want to bottom to fulfill that desire. If your girl can't or isn't able to do what you want you may have to find another top to step into this role when the need arises.

Good Luck,
SilverWulf

[blythe spirit]

Good response SW, but as a submissive (and according to you an idiot lol) I know that I would never be able to look at a Dominant in the same vein, if he were to submit to me. Even if I were submitting via his orders to inflict pain upon him. Once he's given me that control over him, he couldn't expect to regain it.

If I were a switch, I'd find it very difficult going from sub to Domme with the same partner. Your sub, however, might be very keen on the idea - kinda like "payback." *eg.

As a Dom, I suppose you can order your sub to inflict pain upon you, but I'm kinda questioning if you are 100% Dom and thinking that you are a Switch. Now if your sub is a Switch, I guess you have it made.

So are there lots of masochistic Doms out there? hmmmm. Will be interesting to read other views on this topic.

[SilverWulf]

Good response SW, but as a submissive (and according to you an idiot lol) I know that I would never be able to look at a Dominant in the same vein, if he were to submit to me. Even if I were submitting via his orders to inflict pain upon him. Once he's given me that control over him, he couldn't expect to regain it.

I think you may have read my post wrong.

I was speaking specifically of people who say that someone who likes certain activities is not a Dominant because they like said activity.

As a Dom, I suppose you can order your sub to inflict pain upon you, but I'm kinda questioning if you are 100% Dom and thinking that you are a Switch. Now if your sub is a Switch, I guess you have it made.

I can and have ordered My submissive to do a variety of things to and for me. Inflicting pain is not something I enjoy or look for, yet I have had a submissive in the past give me a flogging with a particular heavy flogger. She wasn't strong enough to swing it hard enough to hurt, and I needed a good deep tissue massage after a day at work that was particularly hard on my back... I was not submitting, she was not inflicting pain... she was giving me a massage with a flogger and it worked wonders.

Even though pain is not my thing whatsoever, I do not nor will I ever look down on a Dominant who admits his or her interest in something outside the norm.

Isn't this lifestyle supposed to be accepting of all?

Aren't we all supposed to be able to carve out our own little niche?

Just because something would not work for you in your relationship, does not mean it is wrong for every other relationship out there, and it certainly doesn't deserve to be looked down upon. (not speaking specifically to you blyth)

So are there lots of masochistic Doms out there? hmmmm. Will be interesting to read other views on this topic.

There are more than you can imagine. They are simply hidden in the shadows because of the derision they would receive if they were to admit their desires publicly.

[Dr_BuzzCzar]

I think you may have read my post wrong.

There are more than you can imagine. They are simply hidden in the shadows because of the derision they would receive if they were to admit their desires publicly.

I recall an old school dom (I used to say "old guard" but I finally got too tired of arguing the antecedents that led to that term so I gave up; well sorta) telling me that perfectly good pain should never be wasted.

Original Poster: The most important thing that has been said is suggesting you find your own place. Don't worry about the labels, don't worry about the self-appointed political correctness judges. What's right for you and yours is just fine.

[Willsubmit2]

Good response SW, but as a submissive (and according to you an idiot lol) I know that I would never be able to look at a Dominant in the same vein, if he were to submit to me. Even if I were submitting via his orders to inflict pain upon him. Once he's given me that control over him, he couldn't expect to regain it.

If I were a switch, I'd find it very difficult going from sub to Domme with the same partner. Your sub, however, might be very keen on the idea - kinda like "payback." *eg.

As a Dom, I suppose you can order your sub to inflict pain upon you, but I'm kinda questioning if you are 100% Dom and thinking that you are a Switch. Now if your sub is a Switch, I guess you have it made.

So are there lots of masochistic Doms out there? hmmmm. Will be interesting to read other views on this topic.

I speak as a switch, I'm exclusive sub to my Dom because he is out of the question for me to do anything to him...I get into "trouble" when i try...but I do have a friend who is a switch too and he let's me take care of my Domme side when I need the fix...