Being a Parent in the BDSM World

[his_girl_l]

i thought i was the only second generation bdsmer out there! Well not really, but you are the only person i've ever heard admit to it before.

My parents have never talked explicitly about it, but nor have they gone to great lengths to hide their interests - just like any parents i guess, they don't see their sex life as any of my business.

i'm separated from my kids father, but he is very vanilla, so bdsm dynamics didn't come into his parenting at all. We did have very traditional gender roles in the household when we were together though.

As others have mentioned, the only real issue i have at the moment is trying to find time and privacy. My kids are very young though, and hopefully things will get easier as they get older.

My Master is yet to meet them, but He cares about them and uses the influence He has to encourage me to be a better parent, especially when i get overwhelmed and distracted by issues with their father.

i don't mind at all either way how their sexuality develops, so long as they are happy.

i don't really see parenting as an extension of my submission - as a single mum to 3 kids under 5, if i showed any submission to them i would have a mutiny on my hands and lose all control. i do see being a good mother as my duty, and i am grateful that my Master does too.

As for web safety, i have never sensed in appropriate interest in my kids from anyone on a bdsm site. Strangely enough, i have been approached by men who set of warning signs on parenting websites. i guess you just have to be careful wherever you are.

[swtinsatiable]

I am a single parent, i have a daughter who knows of my lifestyle. I would rather tell her about my interests then have her find out on her own. I do keep certain aspects of my desires to myself, there are some things i share and i some i don't . She asks questions and i answer her truthfully and she tells me in return everything so i guess it works out perfect..

[AdrianaAurora]

What are some particular speedbumps you've hit in this area due to being a parent?

Explaining why there is a certain room in the house that he can never never go into, how much to tell him, what he will think of me/will he respect me if he finds out I am submissive.

Do your children know about your interests?

No. Not directly, but he is a very bright boy - and occasionally he has said some things that make me wonder how much exactly he understands (he is almost 11) because he has made it obvious that he notices the difference between Our relationship and the relationships that parents of his friends share.

If you had a choice would you mind one way or the other if your children were into BDSM when they got older? (Not with you, let's leave any incest out on this one please.)

I don't know if he will develop an interest into bdsm, but he has already began exhibiting a definite dominant streak (with his peers and with girls). I don't care either way - as long as I don't know anything about it, lol.

In the community how protective are you when it comes to identifying yourself as a parent/talking about your kids?

I take precautions to hide my R/L identity, but I have no problem saying that I am a parent.

Do you ever worry about that whole "online" aspect here?

Not really. In fact, it would be kind of cool for him to find my blog and read it some day - to know about his father and I, and how much we loved each other and him - after I am LONG DEAD.

If you are a sub, do you see raising your children as another act of being a good sub to your partner or do you take a different position/differentiate?

No, absolutely not. That point of view never even occurred to me.

Please describe your views of your position as a mother/father vs your position as a sub.

To quote my Husband, I am personally submissive (to Him) but equal in all else.

If you are a dom, do you find your parenting style to be authoritarian?

I am not a dom, lol, but I had touched on this in many of my posts and a few blog entries so I am going to answer it.

No, His parenting style is anything but authoritarian. He is a wonderful father, He is trying to spend as much time as He can with our boy, teach him to do stuff and install basic values in him. He always treats his son as a little person who has his own identity and is worthy of respect. But He is also very aware that He is his father, not friend and that children need a sense of discipline and security.

Please describe the differences in your treatment of your child vs your partner.

We do not use corporal punishment, if thats what you mean. As for the rest, I am not sure how to answer it. My Husband may be a very dominant personality, but He is not a domineering psycho that runs around issuing mindless orders, lol. I am His wife and partner, we share as normal (though unique) relationship like all other couples. Our son is a child, and we treat him as such and we try to be the best parents possible, except maybe unconsciously transmitting love, we do not expose him to our private lifestyle, no more than other parents do their kids to their sex lives and interrelationship.