I came to a realization this morning... whenever I have intercourse with my Master it HAS to be a D/s dynamic...

the times when he tells me "I'm not your Master now, you don't need permission (to cum), we're just making love" or, you know, something along those lines... I'll call Him Master anyways... it's like, I can't give myself to Him as just me.

The D/s has to be there... as if I had no choice. I have to be on the bottom, or tied up or, if I'm on top , he has to be forcing me down with his hands...

when he has his fingers inside me, in my mind it's a violation... oft-times I say to Him "violate me" when I want him to finger me and I want Him to, it's all consensual but it is a violation... it's not just pleasure even if we aren't 'playing'. He can't do it to me without me being violated... there's no divide and intercourse is an extension of that violation.

I don't know what's the issue there... it's like I'm holding back and not truly giving anything to him so much as letting him take it whether he intends for it to be a scene or a play session or just ... us as we are.