Without any pretension, describing only my feelings, words are very important. Extremely important in online play. In the thread "Why slut?" many explained how offended they feel if called "slut" by people who have no right to do so. I fully admit they are right, they have their human dignity and it can't be ignored. But I must say that if i am called "slut", even if by a stranger, I feel otherwise. I feel that the rigid forms are transcended and we entered an intimacy where I am naked, ashamed, exposed to the other's whims and whip. This arouses me. Being called "little one" curiously has the same effect but much more strongly. So an abusive word may work like a tender word. The common element is the transgression of the limits of formalities, entering intimacy.
In real life I have only one BDSM relationship, with my girlfriend Lila. She speaks always tenderly, never using degrading words. But she likes mockery. And I love her mockery very much. She has her indescribably sweet way of mocking me while I am suffering. For example, "How do your knees feel, my dear?", when she makes me kneel on rice. And me replying: "Fine, thanks, dear", when they hurt like hell. But I think it is only Lila whose mockery touches me as sweet. It is not the words but the person, in this case.
A humble thank for your kind attention.