The Arbitrary Sir

[violett]

Just my 2 pence on the subject. I never call anyone sir or maam or mistress. There are the odd one or two who I have known for a long time and who may have earned that title but even then I would only say it to them very rarely and only in certain circumstances.

The only one I call Master is My Master. Even then it was a while before I even called him Sir and a slow progression to Master - He would not allow it until both of us felt it was right.

I am not saying it is wrong for a submissive to call others sir or maam as a matter of course just that it is wrong for me. Everyone is individual and as such has to act however they feel is appropriate.

Just my humble opinion

[Resist]

All good points.

I too use Sir in the vanilla world quite often--but almost as a joke. I feel like the context of those interactions that make it a simple gesture don't apply in the leather world. But that's why I started this thread! Very interesting.

[damyanti]

I understand where your post came from because I know some people get of on doing it and that is fine, but personally it does make me quirk an eyebrow and I see it as cheap posturing and a bit sluttish too. (disclaimer: this is not in reference to anyone personally as I haven't even been to chat in quite awhile).

I don't use it in general vanilla life because "Sir" and "Ma'am" doesn't translate well to my native language. It would sound comical or as if I was mocking them, because we stopped using those with the end of the feudal system in Europe. If you don't know one well or want to show formality in speech "Mr." or "Mrs." will suffice and you can address them formally by using a more formal pronoun (same as in French) Vous-You as opposed to tu-you.

As for BDSM situations...I have never called anyone in the forum posts or chat "sir". I address everyone respectfully by their name, but often if they have Master/Sir/Dom as part of their screen name I will drop that because I find it presumptuous.

The reason I don't go around calling everyone "sir" as a default setting is because to me it has a deeper meaning, just because someone says they are a Dom to me it doesn't make them anything special...I want to see for myself if the gentleman in question is really a dominant person or a pompous ass and or domineering stupid.

I have never called anyone "sir" 24/7 and I doubt I ever will...because frankly I don't find that more "true" just silly.

In private IM I have occasionally jokingly addressed as "sir" dominants I know and am friends with or to clearly indicate that I have gotten the point they were trying to make in discussion.

My initial reaction is that "Sir" should be something a Dom earns by being himself and by the nature of the relationship he has with the sub in question. (So far, hehe) there has been only one who has made me feel the urge inside to address him as such, and really mean it (as something more than in a lighthearted banter). When I told him that he said that he too never understood subs calling him "sir" or even "master" as a default thing or even at all, but that he likes it when I do it, because he now gets the meaning behind it. I never felt or spoken "Master" in reference to anyone (yet, ).

[Arria]

The reason I don't go around calling everyone "sir" as a default setting is because to me it has a deeper meaning, just because someone says they are a Dom to me it doesn't make them anything special...I want to see for myself if the gentleman in question is really a dominant person or a pompous ass and or domineering stupid.

I share damyanti´s view on this.

[thir]

I am not saying it is wrong for a submissive to call others sir or maam as a matter of course just that it is wrong for me.

It can be, though, it the person adressed does not like it.