I originally broke the mold and got my first taste of something other than vanilla on a RP board, whenever a friend started to direct the play that we were going through into something of a more, heh, interesting bend. We eventually took it off the board and onto AIM, and I had my first experiences with being submissive... It was interesting, and that relationship wasn't entirely healthy, heh. That relationship eventually ended badly, but the desire for the nature of the things that we'd played out continued.

Eventually, I met my last girlfriend and it was then that the Dominant shoes really came out of the closet. She was submissive, had had fantasies and read stories and such, but hadn't really done anything too intense IRL. We explored and learned about it together, sometimes roughly, but it usually went over pretty well... I attribute that learning process with her, careful, gradual, to a lot of who I am now. People's true natures are always revealed whenever they gain power over another.

The problem that I'm having now is that after about two years, she and I broke up, for a variety of reasons. Again, while she is gone, the urge for the things that we used to do remains. My current girlfriend is pretty strongly vanilla; she'd indulge if I asked her to, but I'm sure there are those of you on this forum who have had someone do it "for you" instead of for themselves and know how wonderful that feels. We've talked it over at length in the simplest, most direct, least awkward fashion that I could imagine, so this really isn't a communication issue. She's stated what she's comfortable with, and I won't ask her to go any farther than that.

I can feel it, like water slowly trickling into a container without any holes in it. It just keeps building and building and building, and I'm not sure what to do with all of this tension, how to find some sort of release. I love my girlfriend, but as this gets worse I'm not entirely able to keep my sexual imagination from wandering back to my ex.