very true, DJade, my respects to you and yours. And to you too JimmyJump

I think most dominants have an ego as big as all out-doors. I know I do. Control is something we do - including controlling others. In some that control is a form of bullying. I pity those submissives who end up in that sort of relationship.

Where control is applied in a loving manner it operates in both directions - as you imply, hence the 'who controls who' quandry (if it truly is a quandry).

My girl knows to the depths of her being that she is safe with me - not just in a BDSM setting. Her manager is a bully. There is nothing I can do that will alleviate the issue in her working life - but she knows she can turn to me for support - knows that when things get too difficult for her to handle, she can find shelter and comfort in my arms. That comfort and support - the safe harbour in the midst of turmoil - the rebuilding of her confidence when others try to destroy it are also part of loving control.

It isn't just a BDSM thing - but in my opinion it is part of any BDSM relationship that expects to last in the long term.