True Control

[JimmyJump]

very true, DJade, my respects to you and yours. And to you too JimmyJump

I think most dominants have an ego as big as all out-doors. I know I do. Control is something we do - including controlling others. In some that control is a form of bullying. I pity those submissives who end up in that sort of relationship.

Where control is applied in a loving manner it operates in both directions - as you imply, hence the 'who controls who' quandry (if it truly is a quandry).

My girl knows to the depths of her being that she is safe with me - not just in a BDSM setting. Her manager is a bully. There is nothing I can do that will alleviate the issue in her working life - but she knows she can turn to me for support - knows that when things get too difficult for her to handle, she can find shelter and comfort in my arms. That comfort and support - the safe harbour in the midst of turmoil - the rebuilding of her confidence when others try to destroy it are also part of loving control.

It isn't just a BDSM thing - but in my opinion it is part of any BDSM relationship that expects to last in the long term.

It's not my dominant side that provided me with a rather healthy ego, but my intelligence. The fact that I am (almost) right all the time. There's a cute little saying about that. "For a minute, I was panicking because I thought I made a mistake, but it seems I was wrong..."

And there's way too many people who still confuse lust with love.

Also, a lot of so-called dominants, especially those with a sadistic streak, are in fact frustrated wimps who need someone to vent those frustrations on.

The above is not rule of course, I don't want to generalize things, but take a look at folks who join the police force, for example. They can be devided in two general classes. The idealists who join for a good cause and the tits who were bullied at school and want to get even with the world.

A lot of those operette 'dominants' just want to get even with someone. Anyone. Those people are dangerous and will take advantage of you, because they have a complete disregard of others.

Then, there's also the environment in which you move. Let me give you a very extreem example.

In the village of Dachau during the second world war, people were recruted to perform duties as guards in the concentration camp of the same name. Those people were nice, friendly folk, who never did anybody any harm.

From one day to the other, they became vicious sadists with a complete disregard of humanity towards the prisoners. Why?

Because they had moved into a miniature society in which such things as torturing and killing were the norm.

If everybody in that environment says that the prisoners aren't human, then it's okay to treat them accordingly. And people do, because there's no moral resistance any more. Because the morals have shifted.

Like I said, an extreme example. But the same goes for our society. Why do some cops do what they do? Because they are moving inside an environment that tolerates such behaviour. They are in a position of authority and usually no-one questions that authority. Because everybody in that environment lives according to the same set of rules, values and morals.

The same could be true for some BDSM clubs. If members don't keep themselves and each other in check, things can get out of hand, because of the position of authority of the dominants. The mental position of the submissives makes them, well, submit, because that is what a submissive does, or someone who has been conditioned to act as a submissive. Again, look at concentration camps. Prisoners outnumbered guards over ten to one. But prisoners were already conditioned to act inside the rules of the environment and didn't protest.

Besides, we all know that power is intoxicating. It corrupts. So, as a result people need to watch each other and intervene when things might get out of hand. Sometimes, that is far from easy.


JJ