How much control do you give up?

[Ozme52]

Is there such a thing as giving up too much control?

To my mind, the answer is yes. But that's a personal preference. Even if one is my absolute slave, I don't want to be micromanaging you, I want you to have interests that don't require my oversight and perhaps not even my tacit approval. I expect you to reveal what I ask you to reveal to me, honestly and openly. But there are somethings that won't hurt me for not knowing them.

Should they have your email and website subscription passwords?

That goes directly to the nature of your relationship with your master. If he asks and you are comfortable, sure. But if he doesn't ask, why offer? If you're not comfortable, (to be answered more later,) why should you not be able to have boundaries, even within the limits of a lifestyle slave. Perhaps if one is a chattel slave, the answer is different, but aren't true property, to be sold or disposed of without a say...

Should safe words not be used eventually?

Absolutely not. Safewords are also about safety. Not just limits. A master should want to know when his slave is inadvertantly endangered.

Should hard limits be pushed or ignored eventually?

Pushed? Yes. Ignored? Never. Trusting him to not violate your limits is the same as having the limit. So why quibble over the semantics?

Should your Dom/me get to choose your sexual orientation?

If you've said you have a preference but are flexible, then sure. If you are not flexible, we're talking about limits again. Should you be pushed to find out whether something is possible, yes albeit carefully, but if you are adamently heterosexual or adamently homosexual, then we're right back to the limits discussion.

Once the collar is on do you give up everything or are there still things that should be left private to the slave?

I think my position is clear, slaves should be allowed some privacy.

When the world reverts and allow chattel slaves and real ownership, ask me again. Until then, the line between slave and devoted submissive is a fine line and it's blurry as to exactly where it lies.

[jeanne]

Until then, the line between slave and devoted submissive is a fine line and it's blurry as to exactly where it lies.

I agree.

And on the password question...wouldn't giving up email passwords so your Dominant can read your email violate the expectation of privacy that anyone who communicates with you would have?

[naughtyminx]

I agree.

And on the password question...wouldn't giving up email passwords so your Dominant can read your email violate the expectation of privacy that anyone who communicates with you would have?

That is a very good point. I actually have 2 accounts. One for my family and friends and the other is my 'kink' account. He only asked for my kink account passwords as he does not want to interfere with the other.

[jeanne]

That is a very good point. I actually have 2 accounts. One for my family and friends and the other is my 'kink' account. He only asked for my kink account passwords as he does not want to interfere with the other.

Why is the 'kink' account different? For me, I too have my 'kink' account. But, I have friends I have become very close to, both in my local community and from here, that I communicate with using that account. I may ask advice, or respond to their requests for same, I may discuss something that is going on in my relationship, in order to get feedback...and I don't want to share that process with Him. And, I think it's wrong that a Dominant would expect me to be a completely open book. For example, I attend a monthly submissive's meeting. Does He know that I go? Yes. Do we sometimes talk about the general topics in each month's meeting? Yes. But, He and I both consider that to be "mine", and I get to choose how much to tell Him about that meeting and what is said. I must consider the privacy expectations of the other attendees, as well as my own need for privacy.

I simply don't agree with the sharing of email passwords under any circumstances. That's just my opinion, of course.

[Ozme52]

That is a very good point. I actually have 2 accounts. One for my family and friends and the other is my 'kink' account. He only asked for my kink account passwords as he does not want to interfere with the other.

Before the crash of 2009, there was a private sub-forum (pun intended) here called the Womb, which will no doubt be reinstituted. Do you intend to get yet a third account or just not join? Because it's the place where all the subs who choose to can discuss their concerns, share, and ask for advice.

So... are you telling all the members of the Womb that should you join, the Womb is no longer a safe place for them to talk because your dom has access?

It's not a trivial matter.