Things complicate matters somewhat, but were working towards eventual total control, and since were both young and inexperienced, any help would be appreciated

Im not an expert, but I think setting goals like "total control" is setting yourself up for failure. Any time you use words like "total" or "complete" or "absolute" etc... etc... you are making it impossible for yourself to actually reach your goal. This is for life in general, including relationships and playing and kink and...

Life is not black and white, and neither is WIITWD/ BDSM. The initial attraction to WIITWD (what it is that we do), and how it is portrayed in popular media, is the clear cut, rigid nature of the concept. In real life, it is (as I am still just learning) not that way at all. Maintaining the illusion, even just for a short while during a session, is a big part of the dom/me job.

Negotiating, with the desired outcomes in mind, is forever ongoing. No person has total control.