Hi,

I've posted here before. I have long history of childhood sexual abuse and torture. I'm doing okay now, but still dealing with the impact in some ways.
I'm writing tonight because I am going to lose a very important relationship soon. I'm devestated, angry, and I feel so alone and betrayed. Sounds familiar, huh?
Anyway, I can't sleep - again - so wanted to just share what's happening.
I guess I'm writing here because I wish I had a dom to hurt, torture and humiliate me - it feels like that might help. But, I've never done any of this in real life and I realize that now is not the time to try it out for real. So here I am, alone and depressed, dejected, and devestated.

Lastly, as i realize how i feel and what i wish for in a dom, that brings up the same old question: is my wish for dominance and humiliation just a repeat of my abuse? Any thougths will be welcome and appreciated.

Sorry to just complain... I do appreciate the space to say all of this, though.
Good night all,
lisasub