BDSM myths

[Timberwolf]

"One of the biggest for me was realising that D/s is not always about physical punishment & 'forcing' one's sub to do things. "

This was the biggist one for me, certainly before my "awakening" and I had it established by the time I was in high school. I don't know where I heard the term BDSM first... I just know that by around grade 11 I knew the term. But my personal biggest misconception was that ALL people involved are either sadists or masochists, which is obvioulsy not so. I also understood nothing about the dynamic of power exchange, and thinking back yes I probbaly like a lot of other "vanilla" folk thought that subs were being "forced" into doing things.

Now of course much later I know that any Dom who'd force a sub to do something that was genuinely against their will is pretty much no-no #1 of the serious Dom. Mind you, I guarantee you there are a lot of curious folk wandering into chatrooms, running into those f*ckwitted wannabes with names like "God and Master of the Universe" and what have you (the ones who more or less refer to women as "cunts" as a standard greeting, you can't help but run in to them sadly, with plenty of BS'ers in FemDom to match), who are doing a great deal to mislead people into believing that the steryotypes are true. Abusers hiding under any different name remain abusers.

Another misconception I had (and this was due mainly to the only imagergy I'd had on the subject at the time) was that we're all supposed to be wearing leather apparently. I mean, I've got nothing against leather mind you but we hardly wear it all the time I think.

[Nicelips692]

"we're all supposed to be wearing leather apparently. I mean, I've got nothing against leather mind you but we hardly wear it all the time I think.

Bugger! that's why I can't find a new Master, I've been wasting my time hanging out at the leather-R-us!

I agree, there is a lot of mis-conception and I for one, who am fairly new to BDSM, had a pre-conceived idea on what it entailed. I'm glad I decided to look deeper into the subject. It has opened up a whole new world and friends to me, especialy on line, which in itself allows me to ask question without being embaressed and get honest answers.

I'm not sure about the rest of the world but here in Britain the press and TV media still scandalize sex. A year or so ago a story broke about a Canadian girl being held as a 'sex slave'. From what I can remember, she was interviewed by the police and it was found she was here at her own free will but her passport had been burnt (and this is where I can't fully remember all the details), but she was happy, I do believe she did return to Canada eventually.

The point I'm trying to make here, there is still a stigma attached to anything outside the 'norm'. Here was a consenting adult living her life as she wished to and suddenly the entire British media were reporting her lifestyle, to the rest of the British populance.... no wonder she returned to Canada!

The UK is struggling under the weight of people trafficing, ex easten block women brought into the UK as prostitues, who do have their passport's removed and held against their will to 'pay off' their travel expenses. From what I've read the majority have been brought over by their so called country men (and woman), well Mr Pressmen, go get these bastards and leave the rest of the 'law abiding' BDSM followers alone!

phew I needed to get that of my chest!

[YourThrone]

One myth is:

All Dominant women are man hating bitches and Dominant men are woman hating bastards.


You've been reading magazines again. Seriously, the man/woman hating concept is more a product of BDSM media, and certain political agendas, than reality. There are many web sites that cater specifically to the woman or man as bitch/bastard and the slaves as helpless, and "forced against their will although they really want it", servants. While that may be a fantasy for some, it can be perceived as an all encompassing scene reality to many since the distinction between the two isn't made. The flip side of this myth is that submissives are weak willed doormats who allow themselves to be coerced into anything the dominates wants. This is another product of media, both BDSM and vanilla, where the sub is seen as victim, not consensual partner. Does all this mean that no one in the scene has ever been a man/women hater? No, but those people are quickly recognized as such and have very few, if any, play partners.

I've had a few Vanilla women actually tell me I'm weak minded because I'm a submissive. (That is so not true) biggest myth I've encountered thus far. People don't take the time to find out about BDSM and just come to conclusions that make absolutely no sense.

[michelle~]

As a newbie the myth that I recall was the one stating....if you are not into 'heavy' BDSM you aren't serious and aren't a real submissive.

Boulderdash!

This expansive lifestyle is somewhat like a smorgasbord, if you like shrimp you fill your plate, if you dislike beets you leave them on the table.

I happen to adore shrimp, being held down, oysters, mindfucks, cheesecake, and a deep voice ~suggesting~ what I experience. I shy away from cranberries, pain, okra, and fireplay. Shrugs. But isn't it wonderful that we have the choice as to what delicacies we chose?

Bring on the tiramisu!

[mina]

But my personal biggest misconception was that ALL people involved are either sadists or masochists, which is obvioulsy not so.

That was the biggest myth that I believed too, that everyone involved liked pain. Now I realize some are satisfied with just the mental aspect of D/s and don't even like or need pain. I guess I kind of just expected everyone into it to be as "intense" with it as I was, but clearly the majority of people seem to be satisfied with more mild play.