cherri; most everyone that has written in this thread has heard your voice, it is not just a voice but the voice of all. It is beutifully written and to the point, you have as you say escaped possible death, by your own strength, and by what you have written that is a feat by itself. Although this will remain a ghost in your memory, You must not let it cloud your mind, not all men ar like the one you had. You might never trust any one man for a long time, but dont ruin your life over thinking that all men are full of the illnes your man had. I know that it took a lot of courage to write your post, so now use that same courage to pass through life in the way that you wish, with the safety that we all should receive. Speaking as a man i would warn you because of your BDSM tenencies, that when you find another mate, then you must test him to the limit and find out all about him before you comit yourself to a long relationship. From now on all of your judgements will be tainted with the memory of the past, and in itself is not a bad thing, but dont let it take over your reasoning, or you might just pass the one that really does care.

Regards ian 2411