Hi Lion.

I'd like to paint a picture for you and I hope you'll humor me for just a moment while I do.....

I'd like you to imagine that you're 16-years-old....just starting your life and from what you've seen/read/heard of sex and how it's "supposed" to be between two people, it looks very sweet and loving and soft. Perfect, right? Sure...but what if, along with the sweet, loving, soft sex...there's a part of you that thinks, "Hey...what about something a little dirtier...a little rougher and maybe a little less soft?"...

So, you read a few BDSM and D/s-themed novels (although, those weren't the initials I ever saw) and now you're REALLY intrigued....people actually DO this!!! They do it and they LIKE it!!! And it's REAL!!! So, you bring it up to your lover/boyfriend/girlfriend--you actually get up the nerve to ask them to be a bit rougher with you, and they pull a face and refuse to even listen to what you're asking....but you love them and so you squelch the interest and desire and go on with your life.

You get married, have a kid or two (or maybe none) and now, it's almost 10 years later and guess what? That little interest and desire you tried to squelch is baaaaack and it's pissed off that you let it sit for so long. It wants to come out and play but ...uh-oh, you're married and committed and a good mom and wife and you drive the car-pool and arrange the PTO bake-sales. You are an upstanding citizen in your community and you and your spouse have pretty hot vanilla sex...now what?

Do you squelch it down again and hope that in another 10 years, it won't show up? Do you bring it up to your spouse and watch them pull the same face they did 10 years ago when you were dating? Do you not do anything and die with regret for being afraid? Or, do you DO something...do you try to figure out what's been eating at you for the last 20 years? Do you search out (and find!!! OMG--who knew there were so many???) people who think and feel in a similar way? And then what???

And what about your spouse, you wonder...how would they feel knowing that they're "not enough" for me? Do I torture them by continuing to ask when I know it disturbs them? Or do I shut up and figure this out on my own?

I don't know...I don't pretend to know and I worry every day that I'll make the wrong decision--whichever decision is made.

I'm not here to defend Tiger Woods...I couldn't care less about him or his marriage or whatever...but I know that this is not a simple issue with a simple answer.