Dear HeadMaster Ed:

I am writing you to apply for entrance to you school. I realize that I will be coming into the second term of the school but I hope that will not be a problem.

I was, until recently, attending Miss Ivana Humpalots Instituon for (Wayward) Girls. Due to a series of cir cum stances beyond my control, for example being found in the linen closets with the gym teacher who was tied up at the time.. busy man that he is. I mean how that is my fault? I found I needed to attend a new school. Your name was referred to me via the bathroom wall at The Gilded Ostrich.

I have very high marks as I am willing to do whatever it takes to maintain them. Extra curricular activities are also something I excel at. Some of my favorite subjects are Oral, Arts and Crafts such as knot work, Medieval studies (famous dungeons ect), and Shop appreciation (we learned a lot about keeping small vibrating motors running). I will send on transcripts as soon as I have time to (change my marks) obtain them from the school.

One other thing which I hope we can work out is the matter of tuition. At my last institution I helped cover the cost of my tuition by tying down some of the richer girls and forcing them to hand over their lunch money. I also helped in the library. I liked the library but I found the uniform with its short skirt a little hampering to do some of my work. I was frequently asked to climb up the ladder to get down or reshelf the books. I also found, that for some reason some of the male faculty just couldn’t decide which books they wanted. I would frequently get sent back up and down the ladder while they waited at the bottom because they kept changing their mind.

I hope to hear from you soon and if you hear any reports of me eating chocolate and mixing martinis in my room, I wish to state now it is entirely unfounded.

Best Regards

Widget.