Why is humiliation a turn on?

[His little one]

I'm sorry to be a dolt but why would you fear he would love you less
I look at any act by a slave to be an act of love

Lol, no apologies needed Seeker. I'm not 100% sure why. We had already had kids and been married for years before discovering D/s, and I don't know how you can love someone the same after watching them in the throes of humiliation. It seems like respect for the humiliated party would be impossible afterwards. Perhaps it's not really that I am afraid He won't love me anymore, as much as it is fear that He will think less of me. Not that He hasn't assured me of the opposite, but now I am alone to think and as brwneydgirl pointed out, over-analyzing is not always a good thing lol.

[Ozme52]

My last post came after being called away mid-writing... and there's far more conversation since.... apologies if it seems misplaced...

Lol, no apologies needed Seeker. I'm not 100% sure why. We had already had kids and been married for years before discovering D/s, and I don't know how you can love someone the same after watching them in the throes of humiliation. It seems like respect for the humiliated party would be impossible afterwards. Perhaps it's not really that I am afraid He won't love me anymore, as much as it is fear that He will think less of me. Not that He hasn't assured me of the opposite, but now I am alone to think and as brwneydgirl pointed out, over-analyzing is not always a good thing lol.

Perhaps I have a simple answer to that statement for you.

Think of the reverse. What ever your dominant's primary pleasure, whether it is a spanking, or whipping, hot wax, or just humiliating you... does he get hard because of it? Does he become lustful doing it to you? Is he having a good time? Do you love him any less because he likes doing it to you?

If you can love a dominant for consensually enjoying beating you, or debasing you, or tying you up, or whatever, then why wouldn't he love you more for letting him do it.

[His little one]

My last post came after being called away mid-writing... and there's far more conversation since.... apologies if it seems misplaced...



Perhaps I have a simple answer to that statement for you.

Think of the reverse. What ever your dominant's primary pleasure, whether it is a spanking, or whipping, hot wax, or just humiliating you... does he get hard because of it? Does he become lustful doing it to you? Is he having a good time? Do you love him any less because he likes doing it to you?

If you can love a dominant for consensually enjoying beating you, or debasing you, or tying you up, or whatever, then why wouldn't he love you more for letting him do it.

It never occured to me to look at it like that but it puts things in a differient light. Thank you.

[TheSeeker]

little one why are you over-analyzing this?
you seem to have a healthy and happy BDSM relationship
I am envious of you

does it bother you to be humiliated?

good vibes to you and your Master

[His little one]

little one why are you over-analyzing this?
you seem to have a healthy and happy BDSM relationship
I am envious of you

does it bother you to be humiliated?

good vibes to you and your Master

Lol. I think because I need to get off my ass and clean the house. It does not bother me. And thanks.

[brwneydgirl]

Lol. I think because I need to get off my ass and clean the house. It does not bother me. And thanks.

LMAO. Nice one.

[Aetolian]

Now, I'm new to the community and I was just browsing through posts when I saw this one and couldn't help but respond. Regarding the question about respecting someone less after seeing them humiliated, this is how I feel.

Maybe I'm new to the 'scene' or maybe this holds true for a lot of people but when a sub is willing and able to allow to humiliate them, it tells me a few things.

One, they trust me enough to put themselves in my hands and that in itself is something awe inspiring.

Second, the fact that they are willing to try and or enjoy aspects of humiliation tells me that they simply -know- that they are cared for (in most cases, at least with me) and that they don't question if what I'm saying is what I truly feel. They simply know and trust that it's not and have the faith in me, themselves, or both, to know that I -do- respect them and that this is simply for fun (or lifestyle). It shows me how much they trust and care about me as their dom and as a person.

Frankly I believe it takes a hell of a lot of courage to be a 'good' sub and trust in someone else like that. So, to sum it up, I respect someone more if they are willing and able to be humiliated or try something that puts them in their dom's hands.

Ah... and I hope I didn't offend anyone that doesn't like that kind of thing.

[StormKat]

Frankly I believe it takes a hell of a lot of courage to be a 'good' sub and trust in someone else like that. So, to sum it up, I respect someone more if they are willing and able to be humiliated

OK, so I'm not really offended but I don't see how being willing to be humiliated makes someone a "good" sub. Everyone has their individual likes & dislikes, their hard & soft limits. I'm not a bad sub because humiliation doesn't do anything for me...

What about the courage it takes to be a "good" dom? A dom who forcibly humiliates his sub knowing she does not enjoy such activities isn't deserving of respect in my book, even if she trusts him enough to do as he asks.