I was in a long term vanilla relationship for 6 years total. He wasn't dominant by any means but he was emotionally abusive, demeaning and demanding. I spent the majority of the relationship paying 90% of all the bills while he spent his money on whatever he wanted (going out, games, just whatever) while I always got stuck with the bills. He'd manipulate and guilt me into doing whatever he wanted, and was this bottomless pit of need, while I was at one point fiercely independent and confident. He broke me down to the shell of who I once was until I scarcely recognized myself. I gave up my first pick college for him to stay home, I gave up friends, and family members all for him. And while I blame myself more than him for trying to pacify him b/c it was the easy way out.

When I finally ended it, permanently, (we broke up like 3 or 4 times) and I had my son (whom he never sees or takes care of), I felt so broken because it dawned on me how much I lost because of my relationship with him. I felt so worthless, and hallow after everything I realized I wasn't anymore, it took some time for me to recover. I didn't grieve over the end of our relationship, I grieved for the loss of myself. I had killed and buried her for the "sake of the relationship" and have spent the last 14 months remembering what "she" felt like.

The Owner I have now, (who my son calls Daddy) is amazing. He's everything a man is suppose to be, a hard-worker, a provider, a protector and a caretaker. He's kind and encouraging and patient with me and my problems. And he wishes I'd let him kick my ex's ass into next week.

I notice even subtle differences in how he always walks closest to the road when we take walks, "so if a car gets to close it'll be more likely to hit him and not me." The biggest flag of difference for me was that his brother got rude with me one night after having one too many drinks and my Owner whipped around on his brother and told him very sternly "You will address her with respect and care or you will not speak to her at all, period." When i said something later that I by no means expected him to offend his brother over little old me, he said that his job is to protect me, even if it's from his own family. He will not stand by and let someone disrespect, demean or mistreat me. That's what men do.

And it took me ending things with my ex and moving on to realize that I wasn't ever with a man, I was with an impetuous child who was manipulative and cruel. And I'm much stronger for letting go and moving on.