I recently got out of a very vanilla relationship that lasted for almost 6 years... It's taken my a few months to realize how abusive and manipulative the relationship was, especially since last night was the first night I've been with another man since.
Last night I realized what a good man, and especially what a good Dom is. The man I was with wanted to have a discussion on limits immediately and was perfectly fine with not having penetration sex that night and automatically asked things like "Is this ok?" and "say when" before and during the session. He especially wanted to know how good I was at saying no or 'when' (which can be iffy at times)
Being submissive, I let my former boyfriend manipulate and control me and I did things that I didn't want to do because I didn't want a fight or conflict - a couple of times causing injury to myself (like having rough sex when I wasn't feeling well which almost landed me in the hospital) not to mention the emotional abuse he heaped on me because he didn't understand why I didn't have or want to have a more dominant personality. He would try to teach me to be dominant and then turn around and manipulate me because he knew I couldn't say no very well. There was so much dysfunction I can't even relate it all, plus I've been unraveling novels worth of lies...
I almost cried when I got home, not because I was upset particularly, but because I feel like I let myself miss out on something so great for so many years. I was always one of those women who swore they would never let a man abuse them and didn't really understand why women stayed with abusers. Hindsight and all that...
I really hope that this new relationship, which is at a friendship sort of level right now, progresses at a good pace. He's a great and intelligent guy who really is earning my respect and I'm glad I found him.
I was wondering if anyone else here has had a similar experience and would want to relate it?