I'm gonna have to say ultimately the sub. Yes, that's hard to argue when I am being forced into position and whipped, or enduring nipple torture. Then there are the times that M's cock is rammed so hard down my throat, I have no choice but to please or gag....but this all happens because I have determined it can. I'm not talking about safe words, or setting limits. I'm just saying that I have let it be known to M that yes, i am willing to go down whatever dark road he leads me. I have chosen that. And at any given time, i can choose to not (bloody unlikely since I knew I was a sub before I even knew what sex was!).

If M were to decide that he no longer wanted to have relations, honestly, while that would give him a certain amount of control, it would only feed my masochistic needs and leave me dripping with the torture of being denied his cock.

I know there are Doms out there who are all about themselves, surely, but a good one will only take his sub as far as they are truly willing to go-truly being a few steps past where they think it is! A good Dom is going to WANT his sub to be turned on, and bases his actions on that.