This is a common struggle many if not all submissives face at various times in any given bdsm relationship; (in paticular especially so when making what some see as the transition from submissive to slave) so: no your not "schizo" imho.

Only you can decide how much of yourself you are willing to give.

I shall pray that you find the peace of mind to make the decision that is right for you and come to some kind of more formalized agreement between the two of you when and if the time ever becomes right for both of you.

Have you shared all that you have imparted here today to we who are strangers conserning your hopes and fears to your dominant yet?

If not I highly sugest doing so as it has been my experience that for things to work well, open and honest two way comunication between all the partners of any given relationship bdsm or otherwise is of paramount importance.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey.