Wow, thanks everyone for such detailed advice. It's amazing to have other people whom I've never met take the time to give me wise advice. Thank you so much.

From what I read it sounds overall that I have to be cautious and decide where I am going to draw the line. As it turns out we saw each other this morning and had a brief chat about the extremes we talk about during sex, and she mentioned that I take things too seriously. She also said she wants to "cure" me from my perversions, but then again I'm not sure if it's manipulation or if deep down she's resisting the role I want to give her during normal conversations, but gives in during sex because it's simply too hot.

As for the female friends I did not want to go into details in my first post but, the situation is that it's kind of... particular. We are a group of two guys and two girls. We'll call me A, the other guy B, and the two girls C and D. In the past, everyone except A and B has hooked up with each other. B has a girlfriend now and C has a boyfriend. My girlfriend/mistress feels threatened by D. Even though I've repeatedly told her it was stuff that happened in the past. The truth is that I used to be interested in D, but she had her chance and she hurt me when she said the timing of our lives was off and the relationshio wouldn't work. So I feel like it almost makes sense now to distance myself from D. My mistress is the one who loves me for who I am despite my life circumstances. D did not give me that chance. Maybe I owe it to my mistress to distance myself from D...

As for the future it is true that being a total slave scares me so I will be careful about what I suggest because even though it may be a huge turn on during sex, I might be letting my mind go too far into fantasy world. A right balance would be good. I want to serve her to the extent that I feel fully that I'm her submissive, and I want to enjoy being ordered around and be under her spell of unpredictability. But having a life and friends of my own will have to be a condition.

With regards to me mentioning "evil" and the devil... well, I actually am a paranoid schizophrenic. So maybe that's all it is. In the end we are two human beings who long to have a strong, loving bond.