Non-sub/new to BDSM with experienced Dom

[openyoureyes]

Interesting question. But I'm thinking of an old George Carlin skit here...."How do you KNOW you don't like it, IF you've never even tried it?" lol. There are plenty of things I would have said NO WAY to way back when, but the more your relationship evolves, the more you might find out about yourself,and your likes & dislikes.

Well, this is what he said as well, and that's when I agreed I would try things at least twice before saying for sure that I do/don't like something. But there are some things where I don't feel like I'm ready to try them, and while he says he'll take things slow, some things still cause me major anxiety to think about. I suppose the key is to have trust and just take things one step at a time? I told him that even if I say no right now, ask me again in a few months and we can see where I'm at then.

Yup, but in certain contexts. In the course of "normal" interaction, if M seriously called me a slut, I would probably tell him to go fuck himself. lol. When we're playing? OMG, I not only LOVE it, but CRAVE it. You'll know in time if this is something you can get used to or not.

lol, yeah, when he first said it I was just surprised by it. The ex that I was with for nearly 6 years was pretty much silent during sex, so even talking during sex was completely new to me, let alone being called names. The more stuff we do, the less it bothers me, but I think it's more that I'm sensitive and will take things literally that aren't meant to be that way.

I know it goes against what subs are "supposed" to think, but just worry about you. Are YOU happy? Go as far as you are willing, and still feel comfortable with, then have a heart to heart with him.

I have always had a hard time with this. I tend to internalize my unhappiness, and I tend to put myself last. I've been struggling pretty hard with this since my ex and I split, and part of me worries that my new boyfriend being dominant is going to cause me to regress and just go back to not caring about my own happiness - something I know my boyfriend doesn't want, but I'm not sure it's something he'd even be aware of.

Not to put pressure on you at all, but in my experience, men who like to dominate can seldom just "turn it off." Not to say it's never happened, but deep down, even if he doesn't think so, it probably is simply what he needs. Don't feel like you have to live up to his expectations, until that is exactly what you WANT to do.

Yeah, I agree. Even if he doesn't want it to, it does matter. I do want to make him happy, though, I just want to make sure I don't lose myself in the process, if that makes sense. I don't have an issue with him dominating - I tried for years to get my ex to be more aggressive towards me, I just don't want to end up feeling like what I'm comfortable with isn't enough for him.