Quote Originally Posted by pixie_piper View Post
im not used to not having rules and structure and guidance
Even some vanillas find themselves at a loss when they lose the person their lives used to be organised around. You're at an advantage there because you understand what's missing from your life, and that it's the process, not the person that you need.

For a couple of years after I released my ex-slave, she would phone me now and then when she needed to be pushed into doing something like finish an essay. It would start as a social call, and then she'd work round to how she had this assignment she ought to be doing, it was overdue already... and I'd say "Hang up the phone and go do it NOW, girl, that's an order!" And she'd say "Yes Sir, thank you Sir!" and go.

There might be a Dom out there who would be prepared to take charge of you, online and strictly pro tem, to give your life the structure you need till you can find someone you can trust to give control to. And you will find someone.