How might a sub get her vanilla man to start dominating her?

[Ozme52]

Slutcontrol,

Actually, kinky means deviant as in "standard deviation" means not under the bell curve... and here in the 21st century (and the latter quarter of the 20th) a "Fifties Lifestyle" is indeed kinky and not vanilla.

and

Cecily,

As fetishdj mentions, your fellow is very young and is going through male teen angst, feeling the urges to be in control of his surroundings and having to subsume those urges in the face of family, friends, and co-workers who have more experience or demand "obedience" (especially true with parents and older co-workers.) Of course he's internally angry. Most of us were at that age. The same is true for many alpha females, dominant or not, but wanting to lead their own lives. Hence the term, rebellious teenagers.

What you want and what you want from him are laudible goals and pursuit worthy, but you are both still young. I didn't "settle down" unti 25 and that was probably too young. Not because of my emotional maturity but because there is so much life to experience and explore. If you're lucky, when you do settle down you'll still get to do all the exploring you want, but there is no rush either way.

In your case, you may well know what you want and that may never change, (but it might.) In his case, you yourself describe that you see his conflicts and quite frankly, nothing you do to make his "home life" with you resolve those issues. Only time and a little more maturity (meaning experienced perspective) is going to help him figure out his place in the world and how to manifest himself to his satisfaction.

You need to be prepared... that one of you, and almost for certain he, will go through great changes as you actually enter adulthood.

The good news is that you have some definite goals. Fear not that you will somehow scare off a potential partner with your desires. There will be an abundance of men, vanilla or not, who will relish a partner such as you describe yourself. So tell them. And no need to couch it in bdsm-like terms.

My dream relationship is quite similar to a "classic" marriage. I want to cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the kids, and work to make my husband's time at home as comfortable and relaxing as possible. In return, I want him to financially support me. I want him to drive the car everywhere. I want him to consider my feelings when making decisions, but to also be the man and make his own decisions, based on what he thinks is right and not what I want. I want to feel protected, guided, and, most of all, feminine in all aspects. In the bedroom, I want to feel wanted, almost violently so, but I do not want anything humiliating or painful. It is a difficult balance in a relationship, and perhaps one that many people think expects too much for too little. It's definitely sexist - and I don't care. Sexism turns me on.

Sounds good to me (as a "before we get too serious" statement to your beau, or a new one in some unimaginable future. )