Who has the most power?

[denuseri]

I am an author not a practitioner so my point of view may not carry as much weight as those of you with actual experience.

If your point of view is logical I personally don’t care weather you are a real life practitioner, are here for the literary aspects of the site or just hanging around to have some online fun. I do however appreciate your honesty.

I comment because fir I am impressed at the level of intelligence on this site. I post elsewhere, where the mainstream folks sound hateful, spiteful and generally egotistical. So I find it interesting that a interest in BDSM attracts such high IQ's (not that it shouldn't as you must truly understand yourself to choose this lifetstyle) But much like my multi-chapter stories, I digress.

I think that the word "power" is immaterial. All "power" is based on coersion and compliance of some form (psych 101) and therefore fleeting.

I would surmise that this is the case with most things in life, but also maby not so fleeting when properly maintained.

Every creature has a point at which they "break" and power over them is only the ability to destroy or release (earlier experiments in psychology proved this).

If your not pushed to the breaking point, than sufice to say that one need not be made to break nessesaraly no?

I think more important however, is that it is not about power, but dominance and submission.

Holding or surrendering of power by any other names perhaps?

Does a sub have power? of course not.

Both actually have power to one degree or another in my experience, but it is "exchanged" in what may apear to be a one sided manner at first glance yet can also at times be flowing in the other direction or balanced depending upon a variety of factors.

But nor do they seek such or they would be a dominant.

Not nessesarally, for instance, I am a slave, yet I hold dominion over that which I can hold dominion over, (which all people do in real life bdsm or otherwise) while I submit to those who hold dominion over me, I am quite cabable of seeking power, and on occassions even enjoying it when I have it, but I submit to my owner and those others who can hold dominion over me, becuase in certian circumstances power is exerted over me in such fashion that I choose to submit or am forced to admit that such dominion indeed exists.

What about 'safe words'? These aren't power, they are a request. But can't a sub decide not to engage or to leave? Not if they are a real sub and that would be "flight" not "fight" so its really not power its avoidance.

The dominanit party is just as capable of picking up his or her toys and leaving or avoiding the equation as well, so imho this is a moot point.

So I submit that if your lifestyle is one of "role playing" BDSM then it is a "game", games have rules and power is equally divided and at one level it is not truly dominant/submissive because there are in fact rules. If your lifestyle is truly dominant/submissive then the engagement is determined by the dominant and the submissive has no power except that which is granted - which is not power at all. Hey but what do I know - I just really liked the intelligent conversation.

If you watch the people around you and their personal interactions you will see D/s behavior at work in allmost every human exchange, not just in a bdsm capacity.