Childhood Sexual Abuse

[Lateques]

Doe, Brwneydgirl, Yep, I agree with you two. Statistics speak that there will be a portion of abuse victims no matter the subject. It happens, the proportionality is the only difference. I also know that I had a proclivity towards my latex fetish. It was totally unknown to me, but the same way someone may love chocolate, I couldn't help myself. Pop culture through cartoons and comic books when I was young fed that desire further till I was finally made aware it WAS a community and could codify and understand it beyond going, 'that's really hot'!

So I just put that out there as a converse point to consider is all.

[southern belle]

I have thought about this some more. No matter what has happened to us good or bad it makes into to the person we are. I mentioned in my earlier post here that I spent several years in counseling. Luckily my counselor was not only ethical but brilliant and helped me to overcome a myriad of issures from my childhood. One of the most valuable things i took away from it is the importance of moving on and becoming the person i want to be instead of the mess that my circumstances had made me into. Some people spend their whole lives marinating in that pain and never enjoy their life at all. When i was 18 i was raped by a "friend" someone i trusted and had a terrible time coping with that. Trying to overcome that is what caused me to seek out therapy. The bottom line is i like myself and now that i'm 43 i am more comfortable in my skin than i have ever been. I think the bad things that have happened along with my efforts to overcome them have made me stong and able to cope with whatever life throws my way.

[leo9]

I don't believe this to be the case, generally. Of course, others could argue the opposite point but in general, I don't believe that "abusers" are dominant as a rule....any more than their victims are always submissive.

I have a suspicion that abuse survivors are as likely to turn to dominance as to submission. The important thing is to manage and feel safe with power relationships. As for abusers, they certainly have a need to control, but that's not the same thing as being a dominant, any more than a rapist is the same as a top.

Is it coincidence that there seem to be quite a few of the BDSM population who have been abused at some point in their lives? Maybe. Gather any large group of people from various backgrounds and there are bound to be a fair number with some type of abuse in their history.

My personal belief is that there are no more abuse survivors in the BDSM scene than in any random group, but because BDSMers tend to be frank about their sexual history (at least in a safe setting like this), there will be more people reporting a history of abuse.

[leo9]

After reading this thread, it's provided me with a little insight into something I was previously ignorant of. I wonder in a way if being submissive after suffering abuse is some form of coping mechanism. An experiencing of 'abuse' in a controlled way, effectively flipping the nature of abuse.

I'd suspect that it's not so much about abuse as such, more about control. Whether you are dom or sub, you are in a situation of force and coercion which is at the same time completely safe and enjoyable. Its a way of taking the bad memories and making something good out of them.

My ex-slave had had massive ongoing surgery in her childhood, and I often wondered if that had something to do with her being a pain-pig. Certainly, any time I thought twice about hurting her I remembered that life had already tortured her worse than I ever would.

[lovelysub18]

i was molested growing up. the first time i was 6 years old. and the man was my siblings and my babysitter. the next time it happened i was 8 and it was my older step brother who did it. i dont believe these misfortunes are what has made me a sub but i do believe that we are all kind of hard wired in our personalities and that does make us easier targets when we are young. if any one would like to talk about it feel free to PM me.

[concubine]

i was molested when i was 7-8 years old but my situation was a little different then all of yours. i was molested by my 13yr. old female babysitter. To make a long story short she had me believing that spirits from the Ouji board we were playing with had possesed her and wanted to have sex with me. She had me believing that they could possess her at her will and i could have them possess me too. Not knowing any better i thought i wasn't doing it right so i pretended to be possesed to so she could get what she wanted from me. Later she had convinced me that the spirits had raped me and got my spirit pregnant even though i wasn't old enough to be, my spirit was. She perfomed what she called an abortion on me so my parents wouldn't find out. When she was done with the "proceedure" she said she had to seal up the hole she had taken the "seed" from. She used wax from a regular candle (those of you who use wax know that play candles melt at a lot lower temp than regular candles). Needless to say that was the hardest thing for me to try when i started this life style. The worst part was she convinced me that it had happened to my best friend too and i had to help her perform this on my friend too. My husband knew all about this before we started this lifestyle. He wanted me to stop feeling guilty about it and not to fear it. The wax was a process that started on my back then later on my chest. When he told me he wanted to try it on my clit i was afraid of how i would react. He knew i needed to do it as a last step of putting this in my past so he said i had no choice but he didn't do it in a threatening way. He knew i needed it. When the time came i was nervous but as soon as the wax hit it was like all the memories flashed bfore my eyes then were gone. They don't bother me or hold me captive any more. i think i may have always been submissive but what happened to me made me fear it instead of embrace it. Now i know i don't have to be submissive in life and i can enjoy being submissive when i want. i must admit that i have never had experience with a female sub and kind of shy away from it probably because of this situation but that is another obstical i'm willing to overcome if the situation ever comes up. I still can't look at a Ouji board without the memories coming out but at least i'm not afraid of them anymore.

[marliexe]

I was also molested as a child but I think I was always submissive I was always the one who offered to play doctor and so on as a child I think it just made me a easier job i seem to lack the abilty to say no even now in my adult life i have fallen into trouble with this

[armybondy]

I was abused when I was a child, and when I was adopted by my abuser's father, he was disowned by my father when he learned of the abuse... I am now waiting for him to get out of jail AGAIN on unrelated charges so I can make sure I have a restraining order as soon as he is released to keep him away from me and my children and husband.

I also had a boyfriend years ago (one of my first partners, I haven't had a lot of them, and every single one of them was military) who was into kink while I was still very new to being in sexual relationships and he very effectively controlled me without me even realizing until just this moment what he was doing. And he did not take my sexual desires or limits into consideration, if he enjoyed it, he did it and expected me to enjoy it, too, even if it was something I did NOT want to do (thank god he was hung like a pencil or the anal sex he did to me without any warning would have been more painful than it was).

I can't say that my abuse has had any effect on my submissive personality, but it has effected how I respond to my limits being pushed. My husband is careful in how he pushes me to make sure he doesn't trigger my self-protection instincts to come into play. He is still learning to be a Dom, but while he pushes hard right now, he only pushes on stuff that I have already said I want to do at some point, or stuff that he really wants and is trying to get me comfortable with it. But the second I say no when we are doing something, he stops immeadiately with no negative feedback about.

[ember{ReconMarine}]

I too, have been sexual molested, verbal abused, and physically. I have found my way past it, past the traumas of my past. In certain ways, it's helped make me stronger, harder, less forgiving. When I sought consoling it only hurt me more. They wanted to place blame on someone, not me of course. I have in the past known Masters who would use this against me, and of course left them for their indiscretions. If a Master can't handle it then I move on. My life has been loaded with pain, ending one trauma with another. I have had to find my own way out of the black hole it has left in me. Know this, in no way has it been the fault of you, the one who received the abuse. Once you accept, it's the hole; "it's not me, not my fault." You will be able to spread your wings and fly so to speak. Never live in the past, move forward and don't look back.

[Ownedfyre (mm1)]

I was molested by my father when I was 4 and 5. I don't remember too much about it really, just some flashes, like a slideshow. What I do remember was this yucky feeling I would get whenever I would hear certain songs. I still do. There were some incidents when I was a little older as well, but for the most part I was pretty sure I was over them a long time ago. If it was ever suggested that I was sexually repressed or submissive because of my issue from that I would scoff at the idea. But now, looking back, my orgasms have always been quiet, my reactions always muted. I have never ever let go and just allowed myself the freedom to truly enjoy anything sexually. Even when I thought I had, I was still trying too hard, concentrating too much and holding in what I could have let out. My orgasms had become too much work to even bother with anymore. I went into every relationship with the disclaimer, "I cannot cum easily so don't waste your time trying."

I had always been disgusted by the idea of Daddy Doms and associated it with sick individuals who liked children the 'wrong' way. It never occurred to me that it could be about something entirely different, Until I met my Master. He taught me that it isn't a sick fascination with children. It is about protection, security and trust. It's about letting go of your doubt, fear and worry and relinquishing control. By letting Him take control I no longer need to worry that I will be abandoned, lose Him or be hurt by Him. He is my protector and my safe place. This is a very hard thing for me, personally, to come to terms with. It means accepting that I have no control over what happened to me and that I was not nearly as 'over it' as I thought I was. The first time He brought it up with me I literally felt a wall slam shut in my head. Gradually that wall has started to come down. I am learning that I need to let it go. Let Him take control of me and give Him all I have. I never thought I would actually 'like' saying "Daddy" to anyone. That I want it more than anything now is still a shock for me.

The sound of His voice has more power over me than any bad memory and I am so close to knocking down that wall for good. What happened to me when I was a child was unforgivable. But I no longer have a reason to let it control me, because now Daddy is in control, and this baby girl is finally home.

[FaerieLytes]

Molestation, well, thats something i can actually talk about here...

so well... i havnt been pure since i was 5 years old (or so....) there are court records of it and everything , at age 5ish my grandfather (or my moms boyfriend at the time... i still dont know....) molested me, since then i have been TERRIFIED of older men. after that i spent the next few years (until recently) punishing myself for something i couldnt have fixed, for me BDSM is therapy, it makes me normal the abuse i suffered made me a submissive and BDSM makes that bearable and keeps me from hurting myself.

before BDSM was introduced to me i:
was molested at ages 5, 9, 14, 19 and raped by the same person at age 19, why? because i couldnt say no, no one had told me i could. BDSM gave me a fallback , gave me a voice, gave me rules and safeguards with which to protect myself.

but back on topic... for me being molested made me who i am, it made me both weaker and stronger, but overall BDSM is who i am, i am a submissive and damn proud.