Childhood Sexual Abuse

[Lateques]

After reading this thread, it's provided me with a little insight into something I was previously ignorant of. I wonder in a way if being submissive after suffering abuse is some form of coping mechanism. An experiencing of 'abuse' in a controlled way, effectively flipping the nature of abuse. Do understand, I'm excusing nothing from abuse, just wondering about the nature of what is done after the abuse has (hopefully) stopped. A friend of mine claims that 1 in 4 women are raped and/or sexually abused, and many of them drift into BDSM because of the psychological trauma caused by it. I'd hate to think that this is the reason for such behavior. I think that it's overstating the case, but it may be more common than I thought.

Conversely, I wonder further from the other side of the coin now on whether those who did the abusing naturally progress to the dominant aspects? I find this a rather disturbing correlation myself. For the record, I have never been abused or abused someone to my knowledge and therefore don't know if there is a direct causation for our desires for bdsm or fetish. I would like to think that I freely chose what I enjoy and am not a result of something aberrant or psychologically 'wrong'.

[brwneydgirl]

Conversely, I wonder further from the other side of the coin now on whether those who did the abusing naturally progress to the dominant aspects?

I don't believe this to be the case, generally. Of course, others could argue the opposite point but in general, I don't believe that "abusers" are dominant as a rule....any more than their victims are always submissive.

Is it coincidence that there seem to be quite a few of the BDSM population who have been abused at some point in their lives? Maybe. Gather any large group of people from various backgrounds and there are bound to be a fair number with some type of abuse in their history.

[leo9]

I don't believe this to be the case, generally. Of course, others could argue the opposite point but in general, I don't believe that "abusers" are dominant as a rule....any more than their victims are always submissive.

I have a suspicion that abuse survivors are as likely to turn to dominance as to submission. The important thing is to manage and feel safe with power relationships. As for abusers, they certainly have a need to control, but that's not the same thing as being a dominant, any more than a rapist is the same as a top.

Is it coincidence that there seem to be quite a few of the BDSM population who have been abused at some point in their lives? Maybe. Gather any large group of people from various backgrounds and there are bound to be a fair number with some type of abuse in their history.

My personal belief is that there are no more abuse survivors in the BDSM scene than in any random group, but because BDSMers tend to be frank about their sexual history (at least in a safe setting like this), there will be more people reporting a history of abuse.

[leo9]

After reading this thread, it's provided me with a little insight into something I was previously ignorant of. I wonder in a way if being submissive after suffering abuse is some form of coping mechanism. An experiencing of 'abuse' in a controlled way, effectively flipping the nature of abuse.

I'd suspect that it's not so much about abuse as such, more about control. Whether you are dom or sub, you are in a situation of force and coercion which is at the same time completely safe and enjoyable. Its a way of taking the bad memories and making something good out of them.

My ex-slave had had massive ongoing surgery in her childhood, and I often wondered if that had something to do with her being a pain-pig. Certainly, any time I thought twice about hurting her I remembered that life had already tortured her worse than I ever would.