Questions from a new sub

[concubine]

I think the most important thing is to remember even though you are the sub in reality you are in charge. You tell them what is ok to do to you and what isn't. What your willing to try and not try. If they are good Masters they will respect that but at the same time they will push you too. Don't forget you are a slave of your own free will and can back out anytime you want. Even with a contract because even leagaly you can't sign your rights away. If the situation is going too fast tell them to slow down, if you're just in shock due to the suddeness of it but are secretly pleased just go with the flow. Remember you may be new at being a sub and need to be trained but it sounds like your Husband is new to being a Dom and it is a training time for him too. Dom's need just as much training as subs in order to do their job correctly. He may just think this is what he's supposed to do. It's a team effort, especialy if you're both new. hoped i helped.

[Ozme52]

I think the most important thing is to remember even though you are the sub in reality you are in charge.

In my opinion, this is bad advice if you wish to fully feel your submission and enjoy your master's dominance over you.

Yes, you have the ultimate right to end a relationship or the D/s context of your relationship (but so does your partner.) Yes, it is unrealistic to believe there are no limits between you, but do not presume you have control or are in charge. You make an agreement to release control to your dominant and that's what you want to experience. You do so to experience the journey in his (or her) care.

If you think of yourself as "in reality being in charge" (sic) then you will never feel your submission.

You tell them what is ok to do to you and what isn't. What you're willing to try and not try. If they are good Masters they will respect that but at the same time they will push you too. Don't forget you are a slave of your own free will and can back out anytime you want. Even with a contract because even legally you can't sign your rights away. If the situation is going too fast tell them to slow down, if you're just in shock due to the suddeness of it but are secretly pleased just go with the flow. Remember you may be new at being a sub and need to be trained but it sounds like your Husband is new to being a Dom and it is a training time for him too. Dom's need just as much training as subs in order to do their job correctly. He may just think this is what he's supposed to do. It's a team effort, especialy if you're both new. hoped i helped.

Have these conversations about what went right and what made you uncomfortable between sessions. Unless you are in distress mentally or physically, don't do so during the session. This will improve your ability to submit and his to dominate.

I'm not saying what concubine suggests is wrong per se, and it may work well for her and her partner, but most people who are new to D/s aren't going to achieve any emotional context by trying to be both "in charge" and submissive... You may find physical pleasure in the bottom role but may well miss out on the emotional context of a D/s relationship.

[cloe]

Hi kittysub,

Excuse me for asking but didn’t you say you are married to this man before he became your Master for 10 years? If so don’t you think (and one would hope he does) he knows enough about you to know how far and how fast he can go with you? He is your Master, so you trust him and his judgment or he would not be your Master, right?!
So relax and enjoy the ride, there is no right or wrong only bad communication, if you have questions or feel insecure talk to him!

On a side note, I find it always strange when slaves are told that they are the ones in charge…. Maybe we are doing something wrong but I am defiantly not in charge nor would I want to be!
This is a relationship, we both can end it but until one of us does he is in charge!
He is the Master, I am his slave, pretty simple concept and self explanatory.

[kittysub]

Yes my sister you are absolutely correct. He does know me and my limits and I do need to trust that he will guide and protect me. Yes He may push me but ultimately isn't that what we all want from our Masters? Of course it is. Thank you so much for your help. Your comments helped more than you know. I love being able to talk about this with you guys. It really helps. Btw- we had an incredible session last night. It was the best ever and I cat wait to see what He does next. Giggles...

[kittysub]

Thank you so much for the advice. The reason i agreed to be his slave is because i don't want to be in charge. Ha ha. So i need to take everyones advice and just go with the flow. Actually my Master and i talked and things are much better. So thank you again. It's so wonderful to have this network of friends to talk to.