On abuse - the importance of 'sane' in SSC

[leo9]

What I see as the risk is stopping to ask ourselves the question if what we're doing is actually a good thing or having the honesty to answer ourselves truthfully. It doesn't have to do with whether this or that level of extremity is abuse. For me abuse doesn't have to do with whether it's sunday spankings or total power exchange. For me abuse is whether you stop having your partners welfare as the motivation for what you're doing.

True, and worth reminding ourselves of. When something is as mind-blowingly enjoyable as sexual dominance, it can be dangerously easy to get swept away and forget the responsibilities that come with it.

This is one of the places where succesful BDSM requires a certain amount of doublethink. On one level, it can be part of the fun for both of you to treat the sub as a thing to be used for your pleasure without a thought for hir feelings. But there must always be another part of your mind that keeps aware that this is a person with feelings that matter, and watches out for them.

[damyanti]

This is one of the places where succesful BDSM requires a certain amount of doublethink. On one level, it can be part of the fun for both of you to treat the sub as a thing to be used for your pleasure without a thought for hir feelings. But there must always be another part of your mind that keeps aware that this is a person with feelings that matter, and watches out for them.

True. I would just like to add that it goes both ways and that subs should be mindful too, both about what they are asking for and if in a relationship, what they are asking from their dom too (doms get hurt too).
Submission too is mind-blowingly enjoyable (i like that expression ) and it can be easy to get lost in a fantasy. We all have a responsibility towards our partners, but ultimately our own welfare is our own responsibility, no matter the role we play.