I don't know. DADT works both ways. She may be having vanilla affairs, she may be "kinky" with multiple partners... I doubt though, that she does "traditional" bdsm as there is no evidence of that in her between us.
My bdsm partners always know I'm married and married with no "intention to get a divorce". And though that limits my choices sometimes, it's better than the altenatives. I won't lie to get laid. I won't intentionally hurt someone if I can avoid it... except, of course, in the bdsm sense of the word 'hurt'.Thanks for sharing, and also when you say about your relationship being DADT, do you mean in reference to your partner or in reference to anyone you might practice BDSM with outside of your marriage?
(Sorry for the delay answering, I missed the question in your reply.)