First steps

[Echoes]

Ahhh Oz, you give me cause to think more.

I was just going to say I will pm him tonight stating softly that if inconsideration is any indication of seriousness or sincerity, then we are off to a rough start. I will wait and see what happens first.
Think I will go pick up my last sexy outfit and think more about this.
(I might not wear them, but there is even something a bit naughty about having these items)

Thank you as always,
with respect and sincerity

~echoes~

[Echoes]

Good God, woman, have you gone daft? lol

floating on a raft with a thin staff for a paddle
the boat I am on waddles in waves
strafing as foam splashes and waft salt
upon my face, my heart races


yup, daft on a raft in the middle of an ocean
with waves and salt wafting with the breeze
as my mind lolls from lack of caffiene

*hugs*

[blythe spirit]

*giggles

[Echoes]

The toy... it's hot to be embarrassed so I suggest you tell us. Strongly suggest it.

*fanning herself* yes it is definately hot in here.

a butt plug *gulp*

[Echoes]

Echo,

It's difficult to not jump into the deep end of the emotional pool when you first meet someone. Having done so... try not to let the highs and especially the lows overwhelm you.

so these highs and lows are to be expected?
I am feeling a lot better today
*giggle* I bought two outfits yesterday instead of one, the last one being fuschia and black
also bought a ball gag and blindfold and the worst thing is I have no idea how it feels to wear the gag or if I will like it, just being something I wished to try from watching before

If he's the right one... it will work out. If not, lessons learned now will make your next attempt to connect more successful. So don't lose heart. Don't back away from the trying.

thank you Oz
~hugs~

[Echoes]

Hushed as my heart is beating a bare whisper, trying to hard to contain myself...we are in touch again and it seems as if it was only the day before that we talked.
How is this so? How does a week and half absence feel to be 3 months or more yet once we do talk...it feels as though it were only yesterday.
Today my daughter barges into my room and looked at me really serious, pondering seriously then says "I noticed you wearing make up mom, thats all I wanted to say."

I smiled at her teasingly and said...is this good or bad? She replied that she didnt know, she is only saying that she noticed...and then she walks away.
Teenagers!! They are so simple yet complex, intelligent young adults but also still children.

I had best go hang the new calander and have come to the conclusion I require a full length mirror or any mirror actually in my bedroom. Perhaps in a few months.

~hugs~
echoes

[tessa]

~hugs Echoes close~

The rollercoaster you're on now- the highs and lows, the gasps and giggles, the deep breath during the slow incline and the intensity of the plunge- so much to manage at once. As Oz said, try not to let it overwhelm you. But do try to maintain some of your logical self. It won't be easy, but it will help you sort things out when necessary.

Also, use all you're feeling to experience the hell out of this. It's one wild ride.

~glances over that-a-way and smiles wickedly~ By the way, cool toys you have there.

[Logic1]

I am kinda curious why you arent sure if you would wear the lingerie or not actually. Lots of women I know love to wear nice lingerie if not for their significant other but for themselves. They love the feeling of knowing what beautiful and/or sexy things they have on underneath.

and.. has your prospect Dom has been in touch with you yet?
Keeping in touch is important in any relationship imho, D/s or not.

[suchaminx]

and.. has your prospect Dom has been in touch with you yet?
Keeping in touch is important in any relationship imho, D/s or not.

Well said Logic1 and Echoes - have fun

[jeanne]

The emotional rollercoaster...I've ridden that one myself. And the most helpful thing I found - a friend to turn to when I thought I was losing it. Someone who would listen, understand, and most of all, settle me down when I was ready to say "the hell with it". Needless to say, she's submissive too - so understands completely.

She kept me sane, kept me positive, and kept me from leaving Him - which would have been a HUGE mistake on my part. I owe her an unrepayable debt of gratitude...and so does He.

I hope you have someone to talk to privately, Echoes. And if not, my email address is in my profile. Feel free to use it at any time.

jeanne

[annie]

While being so forthright has its drawbacks... when you find someone who can live within your boundaries... and mayhaps even has similar boundaries, it makes the connections even stronger.

Oz and I have talked about this before... and a firm solid discussion of those boundaries, especially time commitments as well as each others expectations are so vital. And honestly, not only do they determine a romantic relationship but also a friendship relationship if romance is not to be in the cards. So, I recommend, imho and for what it's worth, that even with the high you are currently on to still bring up the issue of the lack of contact, the reasons, etc. and clearly define with him the expectations...

I only recommend this from experience... I had a Dom that required I be in contact every day. He would be in contact when "he had time" which some times would be 10 or more days and then it would be a simple short "i'm fine" after I asked if he was still breathing or something. That relationship, though D/s in nature was not a constructive one but at times almost dangerous to me due to the lack of contact and the way I processed that lack of contact. OHHHH God could he make the highs wonderful, but the lows were twice as bad, twice as often and he never saw it as a problem, no matter how much I mentioned it. Sooner or later the relationship became something I disliked and my submission matched his attention (meaning it was nil to none) which only made me more unhappy. This was my first D/s experience as well so I was left with the impression that the lack of attention was normal or that I was overly needy, etc. Only years later, looking back can I see how truly inconsiderate that was of him and how harmful it was to me in many ways. And, I learned from it and now clearly state up front what I expect and if the times, etc. won't mesh I state that as well, "hoping" it will work out is not a solution.

So... even though he is back in contact, I encourage you strongly to find out why the absence and to set the expectation now of what you wish. You may be the sub and you certainly don't want to top from the bottom but there has to be a mutual understanding about some things... this being one of them imho. Otherwise, it is possible that this, continued in the long term, will change your level of respect for him and hurt any type of relationship... be it romantic or friendship.

Hugsssssssss Echos!

[tessa]

The emotional rollercoaster...I've ridden that one myself. And the most helpful thing I found - a friend to turn to when I thought I was losing it. Someone who would listen, understand, and most of all, settle me down when I was ready to say "the hell with it". Needless to say, she's submissive too - so understands completely.

A dear and trusted friend can make all the difference in the world. ~smiles~

My PM and email are open as well, should you want/need them.

I...have come to the conclusion I require a full length mirror or any mirror actually in my bedroom. Perhaps in a few months.

~hugs~
echoes

Why not now? You are an amazing woman and should be seeing that for yourself.

~huggles for echoes~
tessa

[Echoes]

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and kind words.
I guess it is over already...sadly so because I will miss him but I found I was not into intense pain or it being so suddenly and intensely introduced.

One slave read me her contract many years ago and in this it stated "if she could not be everything he wished" then she must turn in her collar thus allowing him to seek someone who is.

I acted upon this, I would never be able to fulfill him or his needs so I withdrew from the running knowing this is him and what he wished. It would not be fair to pretend otherwise or lead him astray, nor would it be fair to myself either.

My fears were I did not know what I was doing or if I was harming myself by completing his task, especially after being bound in a certain way for a minimum of two hours each time.
My extremeties went numb to feeling...this bode a caution warning. He cannot see what I do, except by his instructions, nor does he see the result until the next day.

Right now a once real life friend and I are arguing whether I should close my ad down...he says no, I say yes, and we all know how stubborn I can be (he moved far away and was the one who in fact encouraged me to place and advertisement there and was on my friends list (heh he wanted to interview everyone and is like a big brother to me)

Anyway, perhaps when my children are grown up I might try again.

~hugs~
echoes

[Ozme52]

The emotional rollercoaster...I've ridden that one myself. And the most helpful thing I found - a friend to turn to when I thought I was losing it. Someone who would listen, understand, and most of all, settle me down when I was ready to say "the hell with it". Needless to say, she's submissive too - so understands completely.

She kept me sane, kept me positive, and kept me from leaving Him - which would have been a HUGE mistake on my part. I owe her an unrepayable debt of gratitude...and so does He.

I hope you have someone to talk to privately, Echoes. And if not, my email address is in my profile. Feel free to use it at any time.

jeanne

Moving from the fantasy of submission to the reality of it... can be confusing. Even if your partner does everything (or nearly everything) correctly. Because it's all new territory for you.

So yes, it really pays to have someone who can be a confidant.

[Ozme52]

Thank you everyone for your encouragement and kind words.
I guess it is over already...sadly so because I will miss him but I found I was not into intense pain or it being so suddenly and intensely introduced.

One slave read me her contract many years ago and in this it stated "if she could not be everything he wished" then she must turn in her collar thus allowing him to seek someone who is.

I acted upon this, I would never be able to fulfill him or his needs so I withdrew from the running knowing this is him and what he wished. It would not be fair to pretend otherwise or lead him astray, nor would it be fair to myself either.

My fears were I did not know what I was doing or if I was harming myself by completing his task, especially after being bound in a certain way for a minimum of two hours each time.
My extremeties went numb to feeling...this bode a caution warning. He cannot see what I do, except my his instructions, nor does he see the result until the next day.

This fact coupled with my farewell to him and having absolutely no response afterward...leaving me feeling so much more alone.

Rigth now a once real life friend and I are arguing whether I should close my profile...he says no, I say yes, and we all know how stubborn I can be (he moved far away and was the one who in fact encouraged me to join the site and was on my friends list there (heh he wanted to interview everyone and is like a big brother to me)

Anyway, perhaps when my children are grown up I might try again.

~hugs~
echoes

So you learned something... but you are still swinging on that emotional pendulum. Do you really think if you let it simmer a while you won't want to chuck it all... and may still meet someone who will complement your needs.

I hope you stick around.

[jeanne]

So you learned something... but you are still swinging on that emotional pendulum. Do you really think if you let it simmer a while you won't want to chuck it all... and may still meet someone who will complement your needs.

I hope you stick around.

Ditto. Each word. Take the time to continue learning more about yourself, your submissiveness...and please don't leave! If this is truly who you are...you'll wish you hadn't. I use this site, not as a place to find a dominant, but as a place to get information, knowledge and support. The fact that I found the perfect One for me was a happy accident - and completely unexpected. I wasn't looking...

[suchaminx]

My heart goes out to you hun, but I was pleased to see that you are staying. It is a times like these having people who have experienced what you are going through right now really helps.

So stay, vent, chat, cry, laugh - whatever you feel like and know that we will share it with you

love and hugs minxy xx

[tessa]

Hugs. Just hugs.

[Echoes]

...and now I am crying, I swore I wouldn't cry...dammit.
He wrote me a response saying he was disappointed and you know what, this hurts me more.

Be back later

hugs to you all

echoes

[Logic1]

Yes that word is probably one of the most hurtful words out there.. disappointment...
Really hope you get back up on your feet quickly. You sure seem like a special gal

Not everyone is into real pain and especially not quickly. I am moving really slowly with my gal and seems to be working just fine. Slow introductions into the bdsm lifestyle is important if you dont know how he/she might react to all the things that is.

Wish you the best.
stick around here and take care

[Polaris]

Well, you know -- if I were a dom, I'd be pretty damn proud of you. I'm sure it took a lot of courage to be honest about your feelings, and the fact that things were moving too fast and/or in a different direction for you.

I'm honestly sorry that things didn't work out for you (yet). I followed this thread with my fingers crossed, and now that it didn't work out properly I send you a big bunch of hugs. I know it's easier said than done, but don't let it bring you down -- I'm sure there is somebody out there who is just perfect for you, and who can value and appreciate the wonderful person you are.

[Echoes]

I am kinda curious why you arent sure if you would wear the lingerie or not actually. Lots of women I know love to wear nice lingerie if not for their significant other but for themselves. They love the feeling of knowing what beautiful and/or sexy things they have on underneath.

and.. has your prospect Dom has been in touch with you yet?
Keeping in touch is important in any relationship imho, D/s or not.

I can wear it at home during the day for myself but this gets kind of cool and in some ways reminds me that I am alone and have been, which is also the reason that I don’t cyber or do on line. The kind of “hurting and yearning so badly to be touched when you haven’t been for so many years” feeling and it is just best to shut it off.

Yes he was in touch but it is over now.

Thank you Logic1

Well said Logic1 and Echoes - have fun

thank you suchaminx…hugs

I hope you have someone to talk to privately, Echoes. And if not, my email address is in my profile. Feel free to use it at any time.

jeanne

thanks hon, contact me anytime you wish also.

echoes

So... even though he is back in contact, I encourage you strongly to find out why the absence and to set the expectation now of what you wish. You may be the sub and you certainly don't want to top from the bottom but there has to be a mutual understanding about some things... this being one of them imho. Otherwise, it is possible that this, continued in the long term, will change your level of respect for him and hurt any type of relationship... be it romantic or friendship.

thanks annie, this is very true, it did hurt and also set doubt within my mind which only leads to lowering of respect and trust.

Hugging you back tight!

A dear and trusted friend can make all the difference in the world. ~smiles~

My PM and email are open as well, should you want/need them.

Thank you also Tessa, hugs

[/color]

Why not now? You are an amazing woman and should be seeing that for yourself.

~huggles for echoes~
tessa

well, I at least would love to see how the darn lingerie looks like on me!

Moving from the fantasy of submission to the reality of it... can be confusing. Even if your partner does everything (or nearly everything) correctly. Because it's all new territory for you.

So yes, it really pays to have someone who can be a confidant.

Confusing for sure, even scary…am I doing this right? He is not here to see me do this, I have never done this before…will I harm myself or do something wrong, leave it on too long, and so on.

Thanks Oz

[Echoes]

So you learned something... but you are still swinging on that emotional pendulum. Do you really think if you let it simmer a while you won't want to chuck it all... and may still meet someone who will complement your needs.

I hope you stick around.

Oz I apologize, I meant the site where I placed my ad, not here.

I haven’t placed an ad here because just about everyone is so far away or taken

My heart goes out to you hun, but I was pleased to see that you are staying. It is a times like these having people who have experienced what you are going through right now really helps.

So stay, vent, chat, cry, laugh - whatever you feel like and know that we will share it with you

love and hugs minxy xx

Bah, you will regret this as I start telling lame jokes minxy

Thanks and hugs

Yes that word is probably one of the most hurtful words out there.. disappointment...
Really hope you get back up on your feet quickly. You sure seem like a special gal

Not everyone is into real pain and especially not quickly. I am moving really slowly with my gal and seems to be working just fine. Slow introductions into the bdsm lifestyle is important if you dont know how he/she might react to all the things that is.

Wish you the best.
stick around here and take care

That’s what I was asking myself…if he had of gone slower would it have made a difference? (I think it would have) But I have no experienced answer to this and I wonder if this serious stuff shouldn’t be saved until you actually meet, not via email instructions, or perhaps if the instructions were more explicit, safe time period to do this, what to watch for etcetera.

Hugs Logic1 and thank you

Hugs. Just hugs.

Hmm with you all bound like that, just what kind of hugs are you giving tessa?

Well, you know -- if I were a dom, I'd be pretty damn proud of you. I'm sure it took a lot of courage to be honest about your feelings, and the fact that things were moving too fast and/or in a different direction for you.

I'm honestly sorry that things didn't work out for you (yet). I followed this thread with my fingers crossed, and now that it didn't work out properly I send you a big bunch of hugs. I know it's easier said than done, but don't let it bring you down -- I'm sure there is somebody out there who is just perfect for you, and who can value and appreciate the wonderful person you are.

It did, it was hard telling him this, I was hoping he would come back that we slow down
a bit and what…train me from the beginning where I told him I had never been clamped on my labia before, nor flicked, nor cropped (nothing)…they had never been tested at all and next thing I knew it was pencils, elastics and heavy pulleys on them and walking across the room 10 times. But this is past now.

Thank you Polaris and hugs back

Thanks everyone

echoes

[Logic1]

Echoes. I have met a vanilla girlfriend that I am slowly introducing to our lifestyle. This means that I have tied her up and I have spanked and some toys her but nothing rough or something that would perhaps scare her yet. I am working real hard on building all the trust needed for that.
She needs me to take it slow cause she was very new to everything when I first met her so any introductions to BDSM has to come slow and carefully.
I care way too much for her to scare her off by being too harsh or too fast moving.
In vanilla relationships it is not like the first time people meet they go off and beat or hit or hurt the partner they want to be with... same goes for this.
I think that with care and slow steps you would have a completely different feeling towards him and everything.
This was HIS loss and nothing else. You were not to blame. He screwed up imho.

Again. I hope you get back on your feet fast and wish you the very best.
for good luck

[jeanne]

I'm with Logic on this. Not all experienced doms will move you up to their "level" quickly. IMHO, if they are interested in having you stick around for a while they'll take it slowly. There's plenty of time in a developing relationship to introduce new things gradually, to take it easy. And let me tell you - realizing that He's taking it one step at a time with me and is, to some degree, passing up immediate maximum pleasure for Himself in order to avoid "freaking me out" - well, that's hot. Because I KNOW that when He decides I'm ready to go farther it's going to be more than I can even conceive of, given that where we are now is amazingly wonderful.

I do have one question - if you have a community of kinky people nearby, why not go to a munch once in a while? Give yourself a chance to meet someone in a situation where you can use all your senses and instincts to help you judge if they might be right for you...body language, tone of voice, interactions with others can tell you a lot about a person. Much more than simply the written word.

[Echoes]

I'm with Logic on this. Not all experienced doms will move you up to their "level" quickly. IMHO, if they are interested in having you stick around for a while they'll take it slowly. There's plenty of time in a developing relationship to introduce new things gradually, to take it easy. And let me tell you - realizing that He's taking it one step at a time with me and is, to some degree, passing up immediate maximum pleasure for Himself in order to avoid "freaking me out" - well, that's hot. Because I KNOW that when He decides I'm ready to go farther it's going to be more than I can even conceive of, given that where we are now is amazingly wonderful.

I do have one question - if you have a community of kinky people nearby, why not go to a munch once in a while? Give yourself a chance to meet someone in a situation where you can use all your senses and instincts to help you judge if they might be right for you...body language, tone of voice, interactions with others can tell you a lot about a person. Much more than simply the written word.

Just moved here jeanne, and I haven't made any friends yet, not being used to big city ways at all. I don't even know if there are munches or how to find them here and to be honest, I also don't think I would be brave enough to go to one.This might change in time.

I will be back on my feet, the most disconcerting feeling was one of feeling completely lost, this is slowly appeasing and my sense of humor is returning, so it will all be fine, I knew this deep down at the beginning, and knew it would only be a matter of allowing yourself to go through some form of grieving, I just didnt know what to expect or how this would be.

Thanks to everyone for making it much easier although darn it~! I find it is really hard to be tough nailed and dry faced when people are being nice or gentle. again

[Echoes]

I made a very huge mistake but instead of asking any moderators to delete this thread, let it stay as a constant reminder to myself of the mistake I made.

I publicly apologize to everyone here and to the one I have affronted in this post for this was taken too far. I think I understand now what jeanne, Ozme and tessa meant by finding a confidant to talk to…to not unfold it all here and this is just what I did.
He…this dominant might or might not have made some mistakes, he might have been new BUT I judged him and ran his name down.
No excuses, no reasons acceptable.
This sort of behavior from me is completely unacceptable.
And yes, it is so very easy to apologize and move on, it is a lot harder to forgive oneself once the mistake is realized.
I wish everyone well.
echoes