Dominants: Who am I? How did I get here?

[Beardy]

I'm a 24 year old domme who loves to experiment on people. I particularly enjoy anal hooks and planning what evil deeds to subject ickleimi to next with it. BDSM was just one of those things I have always liked. I never really got into just always been into it!

[Jennifer Williams]

Huh, funny I never saw this thread sooner. That's what I get for being lazy.

My "journey" into Dominance is well, not exactly that. I always had a dominant personality (or at least, as far back as I can remember, which is about kindergarten), and I was definitely always a sexual sadist. Sex is my favorite thing, and I was the ripe old age of five when I pestered my mother about where "babies came from" in order to get her to admit to me the delicious truth, that yes, a boy's penis does go inside a girl's vagina (which I had suspected and secretly hoped was true). And then of course I immediately wanted to try it. Didn't get that opportunity for quite a few years, of course.

When I was very young I had fantasies about boys being tied up and hurt or molested by adults (the gender of the adult was unimportant), and at some point in high school those switched to me being the person to inflict such deliciousness. Of course I knew such things actually happening was wrong- but for some weird reason, I never had a conflict with my desires. I suppose it was because I never, in my wildest dreams, thought they would ever become real.

My first sub was a boy at summer camp. All we did was a bunch of kissing, but I got to tie him up in the woods to do it. The rush was irresistible. Then there was a boy in high school who let me play games with him in his room, we did a lot of things but it was always a secret because he wanted to keep it that way. By the time I got to college I knew what I wanted; I found a boy I liked and went for him. With that one I went a little to hard, too fast, he got scared and ran away after three weeks.

Then I got lucky, very very lucky, and met a boy at work who was a masochist who liked to be burned. We had no form of a real relationship; it was just delicious, hot sex between us. And then he got hooked on drugs and that was a miserable experience, let's not go there.

That was the first time that the idea of this sort of stuff being "wrong" entered my head. I blamed myself for what happened and thought I should abandon it (I still had no fathoming that this kind of thing had an actual name and community and lots of other people who practiced it).

I tried a vanilla relationship. It was nice enough. I might have stuck to it; except then that boyfriend developed a drug problem, too. More misery and a horrible, miserable breakup leaving me feeling like crap.

Then enter my little one. He was the first boy I ever met who was actually submissive, in his nature, and he seduced me by accident, just by being who he was. For the first two years of our relationship I fought against both of our personalities, forcing him to make decisions, make choices, have opinions when all he wanted to do was just serve me; watch my movies, go to my restaurants, do what I wanted to do.

It was a long journey, but he slowly broke me down. I tried to have sex the "vanilla" way, but he always just somehow slipped underneath me, and we were both too happy that way for me to really argue with him. I stopped forcing him to stay on the couch while I got my own drinks; I learned to say "I'm thirsty" and find it cute that he flew to his feet. I learned that he really meant it when he said "I want what you want." I learned, in essence, to trust him.

By now, the wide world of the Internet had put a name to my desires, and the hardest part was admitting to myself first what I wanted, and then to ask him. It was fucking scary as hell, actually saying "Honey, I'm actually really into BDSM and since I dominate you all the time anyway, do you mind if we get kinky with our sex?" Of course it wasn't that simple. He was freaked out for a week, changed his mind a lot, and didn't talk much.

Then he said "Okay." And he let me tie him. And he loved it.

So I would say my "journey" is nothing more than the story of all the relationships I've gone through, what I learned about myself mostly through them, and that those more than anything shaped who I am as I've gone. But I was also born with this stuff in me, too. So I don't know how to answer that age-old question, is it in you from birth, or does your life bring it out? I don't know; I think it's both.