A post that needs no name

[J-Go]

My Dearest Amber –
Life comes at us in very strange ways, but always seems to leave us with important lessons if we just pay attention. I have been away from this forum and from you my love for some time. I simply don’t possess the elegance of word that you do, it’s one of your attributes I love so deeply. How ever barbaric or cryptic my written English, please accept these words from my heart.
My life is utterly empty without you. I of course am able to go through the motions, smile when appropriate, quip and barb as a conversation requires, bury my head in work but at the end of the day I am a simply a shell of the man I was with you in my life. Many times the night wakes me to the smell of you lying next to me the momentary rush that this has all been a bad dream all too quickly fades to the reality of my choice, my life without you. Days are filled with thoughts of you, memories of your giggle, the cool deep love of your emerald eyes, and your breath against my ear as you whisper “I love you”. My life is dark and empty without you, a lie I cannot live.
Life’s gift of choice I’ve come to understand is also its biggest challenge. The lessons of our life are truly rooted here to be sculpted. The sculpture of our life like a sculpture of granite is only formed through effort and power and direction and the sharp striking of a masons hammer. It is violent and painful in the process, but if we keep chipping away all that is not us we are left with the beautiful image God must have created us to be.
My love for you is a part of my beautiful sculpture Amber, I know now it can never be complete without you. I come to you now in this public place, head bowed to my love… Please allow me to spend the rest of my life proving I am the man that completes your sculpture.

All my love, dearest Pet.
J-Go

[DowntownAmber]

My Love...

I read your words and the immediate desire of my heart and of my body is to run to you and to wrap myself around you, to have you wrap yourself around me. I gave myself to you once, and I still know now as I knew then that my place in this life is that place you take me when you whisper you love me, that place of overlap between two people. Such a space can only be created by the two of us together; it takes equal parts of both our souls. The darkness of these days of not having you beside me looms blackest because of the light that preceded it, like walking into a dim room after being in the sunshine. I know that you understand this. I know you also understand the pain of not having you beside me twists me in ways that compel me to fall at your feet and ask you to make it all better for me, to complete me.

As you describe it in your letter, I believe you see the sculpture you wish to create. Your eyes see through the roughness of the stone to the shape you wish to set free, but I do not know yet if you are able to wield the tools at your disposal to create your ends. I know you have studied and learned, I know you know how, but it is not enough to see the angel in the marble; you must carve to set him free.

When you accept me back, it will be an invitation into a place in your life that you have done everything possible to welcome me back into and to make safe for me. I cannot accept less. I do not require perfection, I do not ask for you to compromise your own journey, not at all. I simply require the best of you, as I will offer you the best of me. As the one who loves me and is proud of me, I could not see you even wanting me to accept anything less. I cannot see you wanting to accept anything less, either.

You know that I cannot be your partner right now, not completely. I love you too much to fake it, to come into your life accepting only scattered pieces of you just to make this pain of separation subside. You also know, however, that I believe you will make a proper place for me in your life, and I will wait for you as you do so. To claim me in this place will be worth that wait; for both of us.

Carve and you’ll find me my Love, I know you know what you’re looking for. Set us free.

[suchaminx]

J-Go and Amber - there are no words other than the beauty of what you two share

minxy xx

[Thrasher]

blackout
curtain.
applause.
what's that rumbling behind the curtain?
Sometime (rarely) you just stay in your seat and think it over, anticipating the darkness and the next act.

[deigja]

J-Go, Amber,

I never talked much to either of you, but as you both are pretty frequent writers here, this always gave me the feeling to know the two of you a little. I feel with both of you and hope you´ll find together again and this soon, as I believe, from all I read, that if there are two people meant for each other, it´s you.
I cried when I read about your parting but did not know what to write then, so I stayed silent. This time I know what to say. You both still love the other, and love can overcome everything, so if there is the slightest chance for a life together, grab it.

Deigja

[gemmy]

my hugs and love to both my dear friends

J-Go, you can do this and do it well, you both deserve such a great love

Amber, darling, still and always your depth and insight impress me beyond words - you will have this as it's been yours from the beginning and neither of you are the whole you without it

*hugs* xoxoxo

[fetishdj]

There are those in the vanilla world who would not beleive such passion and love were possible in this scene... I think this proves them wrong (not that it needed proving to any of us...)

[Dea Menrfa]

Wow... such passion. Your ability to so eloquently express what is in each of your hearts astounds me.

Good luck to both of you.

[gagged_Louise]

Very moving both of you. Such power and earnestness, what more could one say? Hope you will find ways to align to each other again!

[denuseri]

best wishes for the two of you, hugs and kissess,, very bueatifully wrought, i so hope you will both one day be able to find that place together rich and full of life and love

[~faerie~]

i hope with all my heart that things work out for you the way they are supposed to. hugs and luv......

[rora]

You two belong together, obviously. Hope the path leads You to each other soon.

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

J-Go and Amber, I hope with all my heart that the two of Y/you can find the way back to each other where Y/you both belong. The two of Y/you belong together and need to be together.

[gemmy]

and ummm *shifts nervously*

*steps right* and ummmm

*steps left, wringing her hands furiously behind her back*


btw... No Pressure lol

*smiles* xo

[gemmy]

Even then......

SEA OF LOVE (Honeydrippers)

Do you remember when we met
That's the day I knew you were my pet
I want to tell you how much I love you

Come with me, my love
To the sea, the sea of love
I want to tell you how much I love you...

*huggs*

[Warbaby1943]

J-Go I have never seen anything you have written to not be a piece of art. You have no problem expressing yourself or putting it down on paper or type. I don't know whether the two of you belong together or not but you both write very clearly.

[Rowen]

Amber, J-Go,

Have been rereading this post and after last weeks experience have taken the liberty to write. I don’t want to hijack you thread, wouldn’t dare, nor do I want to abuse it to vent my own mourning. Do wish however that the both of you can benefit of my experiences. If you think this writing is inappropriate, please let me know, it ill be gone..

Because, reading your letters one cannot but feel such a love, devotion, such a loyalty above and beyond, but also that world of hurt, almost feeling hearts being ripped open and left bleeding and longing…No wonder everybody reading them is touched to the bone..
Your love and devotion to each other is beyond question and perhaps even unparalled. However, apparently there is that dark side, an internal fight still standing in between, both of you hoping that this deep love you share eventually will conquer this.

The sad point however is that love, unlike in the movies, does not conquer all. I know, believe me. My former GF and me still love each other and a most tragic life event proved our deep loyalty even after our break up. A break up that asthonised our friends, them knowing how deep our bond was.

However, there was (and is) that dark side in me she couldn’t cope with…even when we agreed to never challenge that side ever again. As written before, our relationship was in fact doomed from that moment on. And even now, during her break up with her new BF, sometimes crying on my shoulder, I do know that we never ever will be a pair again.

What I am trying to say is that sometimes you don’t have a choice other than to let your beloved go, even it almost drives you insane with grief, in fact your life seems to loose all sense, even if it feels your body is incomplete.. It is that final, ultimate act of love, because you know it is in the best interest of your beloved and thus in the best interest of the both of you. And that is a pain love in the end will mend..

I don’t know if such is the case for you, most certainly it is not up to me to make or even suggest a decision in that direction. I do know however that there is a grief much much deeper than that grief of your break up. It is the grief of realising after years you have fought a battle never to be won, reached for a destination out of reach even before the journey began and must realise that despite all that, even despite that bond growing deeper and deeper during that battle and journey, you still have to let your beloved go. Believe me, that can be devastating…being the main reason for me to share it here, with you. I do wish both of you all the wisdom and all the strength in these days, preferably resulting in releasing that angel out of the stone.- and deeply appreciate your sharing this with us. Please don’t be offended with these ramblings of Rowen.

[DowntownAmber]

Not offended at all, Rowen, quite the contrary. Love takes its own form, and trying to make it fit in a place it is not shaped to fit can indeed be disastrous. Life has presented J and I with a set of circumstances that need to be dealt with before we have the freedom to pursue our relationship unencumbered. Although we both would dearly love to act like these circumstances do not exist and go on about the business of our love for love's sake, this cannot be the case or we will destroy what we have. It sounds as if you understand this completely, and I thank you for posting.

[Rowen]

Thanks Amber. Yes, I think I understand both the necessity as the pain. That being written I do so hope that one day you will wear that collar again!