Are all dominant women in it for money?

[YoungBlood]

Hello let me start off by saying i am very new to this lifestyle. I recently borke up with my very vanilla girlfriend and was looking for a dominent woman who would interested in a relationshiop. Well i went surfing the internet for a long time and the only thing i seem to be able to find was women who charge for there services. It is not so much just the money as the fact that i do not want to be trained by a women who is looking at it as her "job".

I had came across this website and along with some interesting stories, you seem to have a very friendly and informative forum. I was hoping i could get some advice on meeting real women who are into the lifestyle.

[zig]

There are many women who are interested in being in relationships, not just for money! If you were just doing a google search or whatever, you probably only found commercial Domme services. I would suggest you post a personal in the personals forum introducing yourself and asking for someone to respond.

Welcome to the Library!

[Carmenica Diaz]

If you are looking for a relationship, I suggest you do the usual things to meet a woman, perhaps devlop the relationship further where discussion on sexual lifestyles can then be undertaken.

Most women do not really open up until there is significant trust. Trust is also vital in a D/s relationship.

You may also consider that many women do not know that they are dominant or would even enjoy the dominant sexual role - society has been telling us for centuries to be timid,passive and fragile.

It could be a gradual change - step by step - but beware and be careful what you wish for. Female Dominants can be very cruel mentally. Rather than the stereotype of a whip, mental cruelty and humilation are the weapons of choice of female dominants.
It's just a little more lady-like, somehow.

[csr]

Youngblood, I would have to agree with the last post. "Finding" a D/s relationship with an on-line search is no different from finding a vanilla one. No wonder you see a skewed view of dominant females.

I've had two fulfilling relationships in which my partners discovered their dominant sides with me and that side of the relationship subsequently flourished. IMO I think it's like anything else intimate... once you have found compatibility with someone on the more casual levels, you explore it and if it doesn't work, then you move on.

Trying to do it the other way around would be like a vanilla walking into a bar and starting conversations with strangers about their fave sexual positions... then buying them a drink if they agreed. (that might sound a little far out, but I think the comparison works)

[ValKyrie]

Great post, csr.

While I know of couples who met vis a vis on line kink personal ads, most of my friends met in more traditional ways. The BDSM evolved as an exhibition of their love and commitment as opposed to love and commitment evolving as a result of BDSM.

I know of a number of couples who met as a result of communities such as this, wherein they posted together, got to know one another and then found a basis to build a relationship.

Dont' limit the scope of what you are seeking in a partner. There are many people out there who define themselves as "adventurous." Then there are women who define themselves as "switches." In both cases, one never knows where things will lead.

No, Dominant women are not all in it for the money. I would hazard a guess that that is the exception, not the rule. Otherwise, wouldn't Dommes for hire be much less expensive than they are????

[BDSM_Tourguide]

... then I'd like my check now, please.

[Carmenica Diaz]

... then I'd like my check now, please.

Bitch!




PS it's cheque

[Carmenica Diaz]

Great post, csr.

Then there are women who define themselves as "switches." In both cases, one never knows where things will lead.

A really clever point I wished I had made. I did define myself as switch for sometime until I felt confident to move to otherl abels. Confidence is so important.

[csr]

Great post, csr.

Thank you ValKyrie. I don't always have much to say 'round here, but I figured YoungBlood wouldn't likely get any views from a m/sub since these forums seem to be pretty much an exclusive M/Dom f/sub club, lol.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Thank you ValKyrie. I don't always have much to say 'round here, but I figured YoungBlood wouldn't likely get any views from a m/sub since these forums seem to be pretty much an exclusive M/Dom f/sub club, lol.

Hey, we can't help who decides to post around here. What's funny to me is that over in SUbbie Task, there's way more male submissives than there are females, but over here, none of them want to post.

[Barton]

I have noticed that as well. We must be more nurturing in ST.

Barton

[slavelucy]

I have noticed that as well. We must be more nurturing in ST.

Barton

LOL

Um...wouldn't that mean that female subs don't like to be nurtured though?

On and on the mystery goes...



sl

[csr]

...What's funny to me is that over in SUbbie Task, there's way more male submissives than there are females, but over here, none of them want to post.

What you say is definitely true. I've spent the last couple of days wondering why, and searching through some old threads.

One thing that seems clear is that the ST section would only appeal to those after an "on-line" BDSM experience. (I know there is a correct term for this but I can't remember it). The forums, especially the My BDSM Life area include those of us who are in a lifestyle and are looking to discuss with like-minded individuals, as would happen at a munch or social. I wonder if typical m/subs feel out of place discussing their lifestyle, or just why they're so quiet. Perhaps I'll start a new thread...

[MrJerseyGuy]

If you are looking for a relationship, I suggest you do the usual things to meet a woman, perhaps devlop the relationship further where discussion on sexual lifestyles can then be undertaken.

I'm finding this to be an intersting thread. In theory, I agree with what you are saying CD (referring to the quote), but at the same time that seems like it could take forever! It took me 44 years to meet a compatible girl with submissive interests the first time. I like to think it'll be forever, but being a realist I understand that things can happen and one day I may find myself single again. At this point, a vanilla relationship wouldn't do much for me. I know I would always be craving what I have now. I'd be one of those guys on here posting personals and looking for a new partner with the same interests. I was fortunate that my girlfriend was my best friend for several years before we started seeing each other so she already knew I was a pervert! Lucky for me, she was too and wasn't shy about letting me know that after we got together a year and a half ago.

Maybe someday it will be appropriate to walk up to a girl in a bar and say...

"Hey baby, can I buy you a drink? And by the way, I'd like to take you home, handcuff you, put a spreader between your ankles, stick a dildoe in your snatch and a butt plug in your ass and then whip you until I get tired before cumming on your face while I pull your hair and twist your nipples until you scream!"

Now granted...I've never actually tried that line so I'm speaking hypothetically, but I wouldn't anticipate much success. Too bad we don't have some sort of "visual signal" to let the opposite sex know what we're into.

Getting back to the original response. I do think its great to meet your soulmate, fall hopelessly in love and then discover that you have mutually kinky and compatible interests...but its a lot to ask. I'd personally rather find all that out up front. Maybe its different if you're younger, but I wouldn't want to spend a couple years getting back to the point where I am with my love now. A couple of weeks...maybe.

Anyway, this has been a largely "tongue in cheek" reply (but with an opinion).

and lest I offend any of my fellow bdsm enthusiasts, I was joking about the "pervert" part. To the contrary, the few couples I know who are into this lifestyle, part time or full time, seem to have much stronger relationships than any vanilla couple I know. I wonder if thats because of the trust involved??? I suppose that's a topic for another thread.

Good luck to the starter of this thread (I've been typing so long I forget the name)! Keep looking and you'll find him. In the meantime, have fun looking!

[csr]

Good luck ...Keep looking and you'll find him. In the meantime, have fun looking!

lol! Find her you mean. he he he...

[YoungBlood]

oh no my thread got hijacked by a discusion about the forum activity of male subs!!


hahah nah thanks everyone for you advice. I have posted a Thread in the singles section, i apoligise that i did not see that before posting this thread.

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...0322#post20322

I am not sure how well it will do i seem to have seen a lot of m/sub threads with 0 responses on there. well here is hoping.

[pagan switch]

... then I'd like my check now, please.

Yeah! Hell, I could use some money. My sub isn't rich though, I wonder how much I can charge him?

(just kidding)

[ValKyrie]

Well, if you took credit cards, debit cards or post dated checks, that might help, pagan!

[pagan switch]

Well, if you took credit cards, debit cards or post dated checks, that might help, pagan!

Hehe, great idea!

[punksub]

Hello let me start off by saying i am very new to this lifestyle. I recently borke up with my very vanilla girlfriend and was looking for a dominent woman who would interested in a relationshiop. Well i went surfing the internet for a long time and the only thing i seem to be able to find was women who charge for there services. It is not so much just the money as the fact that i do not want to be trained by a women who is looking at it as her "job".

I had came across this website and along with some interesting stories, you seem to have a very friendly and informative forum. I was hoping i could get some advice on meeting real women who are into the lifestyle.

There are dommes out there who are not interested in the money and would like to have a domme/sub relationship. I can't really give tips though on how to meet one. I met mine by luck but I now can't imagine my life without her. You will find one if you keep looking. Good luck.

[ArcticLS1]

I wouldnt pay a female dom! My girlfriend isnt into bdsm which sucks but i can live with, but i can get her to do some stuff for free. Im an attractive, successful guy dont need to pay someone.

[e.b.]

Maybe someday it will be appropriate to walk up to a girl in a bar and say...

"Hey baby, can I buy you a drink? And by the way, I'd like to take you home, handcuff you, put a spreader between your ankles, stick a dildoe in your snatch and a butt plug in your ass and then whip you until I get tired before cumming on your face while I pull your hair and twist your nipples until you scream!"

Now granted...I've never actually tried that line so I'm speaking hypothetically, but I wouldn't anticipate much success.

Mr. Jersey Guy,
I suppose I may be in the minority of women on this one, but any guy that had the guts to come up to me in a bar and make the above comment would soon have a drooling subbie at his feet. I dare you to give it a try sometime.

And as far as proDommes go, they offer a service, not romance or sex. A lot of them are damn good too and while yes, they're expensive, I can imagine their overhead for liability issues and such is pretty steep so cut them a little slack. (And sorry to the male doms, it should be an equal opportunity field, but it's not as if it's the only job w/ gender bias.)

eb

[Mobius]

No way, If you walked up to a young hotty and made that coment you would end up with her drink in your face or a kick to the balls. And when you wake up you would be facing the smiling faces of the local athoritys. Who would kindly but firmly walk you to the door. If you were in Chicago they would then give you a tune up with a night stick. Now if introductions were made and some drinks inhaled. And she was clearly receptive then make the propisition. She may take you up on it. Then kick you in the balls after she throughs the drink in your face.

[e.b.]

No way, If you walked up to a young hotty and made that coment you would end up with her drink in your face or a kick to the balls. And when you wake up you would be facing the smiling faces of the local athoritys. Who would kindly but firmly walk you to the door. If you were in Chicago they would then give you a tune up with a night stick. Now if introductions were made and some drinks inhaled. And she was clearly receptive then make the propisition. She may take you up on it. Then kick you in the balls after she throughs the drink in your face.

lol. But, oh, Mobius, you're ruining all my hopes and dreams!

eb

[kittenfemme]

"Hey baby, can I buy you a drink? And by the way, I'd like to take you home, handcuff you, put a spreader between your ankles, stick a dildoe in your snatch and a butt plug in your ass and then whip you until I get tired before cumming on your face while I pull your hair and twist your nipples until you scream!"

Heh, you're not going to the right fetish clubs MrJerseyGuy! Hell, just reading that made me a little excited. I can imagine what it would do to me if someone I found attractive walked up to me in a kink club and told me all of that. *purr*

Hello let me start off by saying i am very new to this lifestyle. I recently borke up with my very vanilla girlfriend and was looking for a dominent woman who would interested in a relationshiop. Well i went surfing the internet for a long time and the only thing i seem to be able to find was women who charge for there services. It is not so much just the money as the fact that i do not want to be trained by a women who is looking at it as her "job".

I had came across this website and along with some interesting stories, you seem to have a very friendly and informative forum. I was hoping i could get some advice on meeting real women who are into the lifestyle.

I've only known one proDomme personally. She was very good at what she did. I knew her before she went pro and she didn't ask for a penny from me when I served her. In fact, she insisted on paying for everything when we went out. She bought all the toys. She even bought some of my clothes.

Most of my former Dommes have been like that. My current Mistress is the same way. She has me put aside a little $$ to use for clothing and other things related to kink but won't let me use it unless I keep the items and they directly benefit me or we need them for a scene. I've offered to give her use of the funds several times. She turned me down every time.

So no YoungBlood, not all dominant women are in it for the $$. The vast majority of those I've known have been just as proud as I am to pay their own way.

[e.b.]

Heh, you're not going to the right fetish clubs MrJerseyGuy! Hell, just [i]reading[/] that made me a little excited. I can imagine what it would do to me if someone I found attractive walked up to me in a kink club and told me all of that. *purr*

thanks, kittenfemme. i knew i wasn't the only one. purr to you too.

eb

[mythicat]

Maybe someday it will be appropriate to walk up to a girl in a bar and say...

"Hey baby, can I buy you a drink? And by the way, I'd like to take you home, handcuff you, put a spreader between your ankles, stick a dildoe in your snatch and a butt plug in your ass and then whip you until I get tired before cumming on your face while I pull your hair and twist your nipples until you scream!"

Never know til you try...the only pickup line that ever worked on me was "Wanna fuck?"
Sorry, but boldness like that MUST be rewarded!

Now granted...I've never actually tried that line so I'm speaking hypothetically, but I wouldn't anticipate much success. Too bad we don't have some sort of "visual signal" to let the opposite sex know what we're into.

I keep waiting for Hanky Codes to cross over into the hetero arena, but it's just never happened for some reason. Would help solve the problem tho.

[AndrewBlack]

Great chat up line MJG!

Given the 'feisty' responses of certain members of the opposite sex during the 'delightful' dance that is 'going out on the pull', I think you'll always piss people off, so why not do it properly I'd love to know what your 'batting average' would be with that line!!

[kittenfemme]

Hanky codes! Sweet Goddess, I haven't even heard of those since I left the closeted clubs of the Southeastern US. I suppose they might come in handy in the straight world. I hadn't considered it.

I suppose someone could wear a pink and white striped hanky in their respective pocket if they are hoping for the picket fence package deal. A hanky with an automobile motif could be used to signal the person wants to have enough children to make a mini-van a must-have. Oh, and a green hanky could mean they want to be part of a household with so many kids that both parents have to work full time well into their retirement years so they can pay college tuition for their children!

*duck*

PS I'm joking!

[mythicat]

Hanky codes! Sweet Goddess, I haven't even heard of those since I left the closeted clubs of the Southeastern US. I suppose they might come in handy in the straight world. I hadn't considered it.

You know what they say, all advertising is good advertising!