How do you know whether you are sub or dom or switch?

[samm]

I better clarify my question a bit. I am not asking for the meaning of the terms sub, dom and switch. But I am asking how you know under which category you fall if you only have experience in one of them?

For example I myself have only fantasized and experimented with my submissive side. Being single I don't really have the opportunity to discover if I can play a dominant role as well. Possibly I enjoy it just as much, and possibly it doesn't do it for me at all. Anyway I am open to play both roles, at least until I know where my heart lies. And even then, if one would find that dominating is not his thing, can a person learn to enjoy it? I was wondering how you all see this and if someone may have experienced this?

Untill now I have always considered myself a switch for that reason. I figure both (maybe more for some) partners can have the most fun that way, to give and take.

I hope my question isn't too confusing.

[Ozme52]

I think you'll know when you feel it... You may never feel your dominant side... until that moment you meet a person who naturally submits to you.

And, it's a different question than the purely play side of topping and bottoming. Not all tops are dominant, not all bottoms are submissive. I know that sounds strange, but some subs enjoy giving pain under orders from their dom/me (often to third parties.) And some dominants enjoy sensation play you ordinarily think of as masochistic.

Don't let labels put limits on your explorations.

So you question isn't really all that confusing... but maybe the answer is.

And even then, if one would find that dominating is not his thing, can a person learn to enjoy it?

I know a number of submissive women married to submissive men... and they'll gladly top them out of love... after all... that's what subs do... they give. No doubt some will be able to chime in on how enjoyable (or not) they find it...

[snowflake]

I think you'll know when you feel it... You may never feel your dominant side... until that moment you meet a person who naturally submits to you.

And, it's a different question than the purely play side of topping and bottoming. Not all tops are dominant, not all bottoms are submissive. I know that sounds strange, but some subs enjoy giving pain under orders from their dom/me (often to third parties.) And some dominants enjoy sensation play you ordinarily think of as masochistic.

Don't let labels put limits on your explorations.

So you question isn't really all that confusing... but maybe the answer is.



I know a number of submissive women married to submissive men... and they'll gladly top them out of love... after all... that's what subs do... they give. No doubt some will be able to chime in on how enjoyable (or not) they find it...

i agree Ozme52.. To please your Dom/me is you main goal as a sub.. If he wants you to top someone .. including him/her.. you do it .. out of love, the want and need to please him/her and the want to give ..

To serve his/her wishes is to please him/her..and the main part of being a sub is to please him/her .. whether you may like it or not.. Unless it is an agreement that you would never have to top that was previously set in limits then to not do it would be letting your Dom/me down i would think .. an uncompleted task.. Knowing i had let him/her down and not completing my task.. i would feel i failed him/her and i would feel disappointed in myself..

and you are right Ozme you won't feel that Dom/me side until you have someone that submits to you..

Just my opinion

hugs
snow

[samm]

Thanks for your answers everyone

Still some reflection about this

some subs enjoy giving pain under orders from their dom/me (often to third parties.)

I don't see this as the sub being dominant, do you? It is more like: "I'm sorry I hurt you, but my D makes me do it." I don't think this makes the sub feel dominant towards the third person, they are more or less at the same level with the dominant on top of them both.

To get back to how do you know whether you are a sub, dom or switch, I guess experience must tell. Since I only know that I like being tied up and having a girl in control and such, I know that I am submissive, but I am curious whether dominating someone else can be fun too.

[snowflake]

i have been a submissive for over 20yrs hun closer to 25 yrs and for me.. yes it can when i am told to especially in the right mood..

But if i am in total sub zone it is not as fun as one may think... i find it near impossible...

So i guess it depends on the situation the mood in the air as well if you are a sub and if it makes you happy to please your Dom by doing so..

Hope this helps a tiny bit at least

hugs
snow

[denuseri]

personally if my owner ever let me or wanted me to top him i would think he was abducted by aliens and replaced with an evil clone out to drive me insane, lol

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

My first Master was a switch and he often wanted me to be a Domme for him. It didn't work. I simply could not be a dominant woman, not matter how hard I tried. I just don't have it in me. Since I love Master so much, if He commanded me to Domme Him I would try my best. But I seriously doubt that I would be able to do that. I am submissive, plain and simple.

[bip0lar]

i can very seldom imagine myself topping--and never in a relationship where i'm the subbie. That's why I could never 'work well' if you will, with switches. When my mind gets in its submissive mode there's very little that can shake me out of it heh.
but I dunno, Oz is right, you just know--like you know whether you're gay or bi or straight. It may take some experimenting, but in the end you know--whether you act on it or not.

[Kylyesan]

I am like the others but in the different direction. I am a complete domme. I can not be a sub to anyone in any form, be it in bed or in every day life. I have to have control of most if not all things. My male lover at the moment is also a dom, but since I am as domme as I am it is almost like he is a switch to me (though he really isn't). It is just like I can not have a total equal, I have to have at least that smidge more control than everyone else around me.

[Logic1]

I think you feel it cause that is what I did. I have no trouble at all to dominate but to submit to somebody is a whole different matter.
I think that you "know" if you are either Dom or sub but for switches it might be a whole different ballgame knowing what and who you are.