Attraction and Dominant Identity

[Hime]

This is a mostly a question for people who are completely dominant and don't even like to think about switching, although of course everyone is free to chime in.

Do you only think about dominating someone when you're attracted to them? I.E., if you find yourself wanting to give someone little instructions, or thinking about hurting or punishing them, does that mean that you're kind of into them? Or is feeling that way about people in general just part of your Dominant identity, and doesn't mark any particular feeling about that person in particular?

Yes, I am trying to figure out whether someone is/was into me. I'm a switch, and not really a lifestyler, so if I "switch" into either sub or dom mode with someone it means that I'm attracted to them... but this guy is a lifestyle Dom, so it might mean something different for him. That's why I'm asking you.

[Ragoczy]

For me, yes, in general I have to like someone or find them attractive, either physically or mentally before the thoughts start entering my head. Something about them has to engage my interest for that, not just that they're in the room.

[CookieMan]

While I am far from the most heavily versed Dominant on the site, I'll put my two cents in. I don't know how it is for other folks, but for me, I am a natural leader type person. What I mean to say is, people naturally seem to look to me to direct them/lead them. That sort of thing just happens. Do I feel that I 'need' to tell them what to do? No. For me to want to give instruction/hurt someone on a sexual level, I have to be attracted to them. That being said, I find myself giving instruction to people quite often. Circular post? Yup. Basically, what I mean to say is this: I don't feel a need to tell someone what to do/hurt someone unless I am attracted to them already. Make sense?

[Mastrovenice]

Since I am naturally Dom in my life and seek control, I often give orders or act in control with many people I'm not even attracted too. The attraction begins when someone responds favorably to the control. Often this process is so ingrained that I never really think about it. On the other hand I do find myself holding back my Dom impulses with women I casually meet and may be attracted to because I am mindful of the rather specific nature of my desires, and that it is only shared by a small percentage of the population at large. I think the bottom line is that there is no strategy to it, just action, reaction, and more action.

[Kuskovian]

Do you only think about dominating someone when you're attracted to them?

No.

I.E., if you find yourself wanting to give someone little instructions, or thinking about hurting or punishing them, does that mean that you're kind of into them?

It is possible, but not allways aplicable.

Or is feeling that way about people in general just part of your Dominant identity, and doesn't mark any particular feeling about that person in particular?

Perhaps, perhaps not. It would of course depend on the individual.

"It is said, in a Gorean proverb, that a man, in his heart, desires freedom, and that a woman, in her belly, yearns for love. The collar, in its way, answers both needs. The man is most free, owning the slave. He may do what he wishes with her. The woman, on the other hand, being owned, is institutionally and helplessly subject, in her status as slave, to the submissions of love."Slave Girl of Gor - Page 180

[Oak]

I'm 100% dominant and will never be anything else. I'm to polite to begin to order unknown people around. But I do often fantasize about having some cute celeb.. or other girl as slave. I think that we all do that.
But to do Sm I have to know the girl first