need some advice

[tigergirl]

So Master and i have been together for a short amount of time. We are not living together (yet) but we do spend a lot of time together. At the onset of our relationship we both made a pretty important agreement: neither of us wanted me to get pregnant... yep, that's where this is going.
i totally missed my pill and didn't tell him, didn't think it mattered. Well i was supposed to start last Friday and didn't. He keeps asking about my period because we keep having sex and it hasn't shown. Then last night i used my safeword during a scene, because i finally took a test and found out i am pregnant and i was afraid of what we were doing. When he asked why i used it, i just started crying and asked him if we could talk later, he agreed and left. So now i know i have to tell him but i REALLY don't want to. i just keep having this thought of go get an abortion but i couldn't just lie to him, our relationship is based on trust..

So any domly advice about how you would want to be told (though i think he already knows or at least suspects)? And was i being too scared stopping a scene? He wasn't doing anything that would really damage a baby i don't think, but i don't know...

[Jennifer Williams]

First, if you're worried about activities that could damage the baby, then you obviously already care about it's well-being so I don't think an abortion is the right option for you. But if you are going to have one, make sure it is for the right reasons- and hiding this from your Master is not the right reason. He will know anyway, the recovery from the procedure would give you away. You can't hide this from him; that would be wrong on all kinds of levels; BDSM, vanilla, and otherwise.

My advice is to tell him as soon as possible. Waiting can only make it worse. He's going to react how he's going to react; the way you present the news isn't going to make all that much of a difference; either way, he has to know.

No matter how this affects your BDSM relationship with him, you two are going to have a lot to figure out. Whether you decide to have an abortion, put it up for adoption, or raise it, that should be something that the two of you discuss together.

[denuseri]

Girl up and tell him about it.

[roxi.slut]

Yep, sometimes it sucks to be an adult, but that's the only thing you can do here.

[FrgnSwtc]

You can't turn back time and do over, so the only thing left to do is tell him.

good luck and take care.

[FrgnSwtc]

You can't turn back time and do over, so the only thing left to do is tell him.

good luck and take care.

[WyldWyl]

I can't tell you what to do with your baby, but speaking as a dom, I'd expect my sub to be completely honest with me in this or any situation. We'd work out what to do together, but the first step, as the others have said, is to be honest. It won't work out if you hide it from him.

[Miner]

The keystone of any relationship is trust. Tell him. Do not put it off, tell him ASAP!

You did something silly when you forgot to take your pill. You did something even sillier when you didn't tell him you forgot your pill (he could have used a condom, to reduce the chances of pregnancy). Don't compound the problem by being even sillier still and breaking trust.

[Tufty]

The keystone of any relationship is trust.

Absolutely right!!

[tigergirl]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement to tell him, i knew i had to i was more wondering how...

I called him yesterday and asked if we could have a talk, a talk that was "safe" so to speak (non BDSM) as we do this from time to time about things that really have to be discussed that are a bit hard to discuss and keep in role.

So he came over and we talked. As soon as i told him, he told me two things: 1. He already knew (at least was 99%) that i was pregnant or that i was worried i may be. 2. He wasn't angry about my being pregnant, we are two adults having sex and obviously there is a chance even if i don't miss my pill.
He wasn't even mad i missed the pill, he was however very hurt that i didn't tell him and then that i was deceptive with the rest of it..
So as much as i will be punished for lying (yes, harshly but not physically. we both want to be cautious as we make up our minds what to do) i feel so much better that he knows.

My biggest fear was that this would (or still will) change my position in relation to him, i don't want him to think that i cannot be submissive and pregnant. It's so much a part of who we are i am afraid of the damage it would do to try and get out of our roles...
any advice on that side of things?

[denuseri]

Honey if being prego or having a child gets in the way of being who and what you are to/with each other...well then imho he isnt much of a dom to begin with and the two of you were never ment to be anyway.

Of course your child will come first and rightly so, but it shouldnt be a "problem" so much as a new joy in your life together, it shouldnt be any different than it would for any other couple bdsm/vanila or otherwise.

Especially if he does right by you.

[Jennifer Williams]

This is one of those things that you just have to figure out as you go. I can understand his being hurt that you kept this from him for a little while, but I think his reaction is commendable, and you can repair that rocky start by being wholly honest and truthful from now on.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. The best chance your relationship with him has is if you talk, and talk, and talk.

No more secrets from you, missy.

I also highly recommend you should go see an obstetrician (most GYNs also do this); talking with them about your concerns with your pregnancy will certainly help.

[fetishdj]

I am glad this worked out well for you.

One thing you do need to be aware of is that no contraceptive is 100% effective and even if you do not forget to use it there is always a risk that pregnancy will occur. This is one reason why I always suggest that condoms are also used in addition to the pill - there is less chance of them both failing at the same time. Plus, the pill does not stop infection and condoms do (though if you are with one partner who you know is clear it is less of an issue). The final reason is purely feminist... I think that both parties should be responsible for contraception, not just the woman, so one form of contraception each is fair

[leo9]

Just came across this thread again and wondered how it worked out?