Hi! My name is Cecily. I guess this question will require a lot of background, so here goes:

I am most certainly in the "submissives" category, but my dream relationship is most definitely not the normal definition of a sub. I do not like pain. I do not like being treated in a way that vanillas would call abusive, and I don't think that I ever will. My dream relationship is quite similar to a "classic" marriage. I want to cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the kids, and work to make my husband's time at home as comfortable and relaxing as possible. In return, I want him to financially support me. I want him to drive the car everywhere (I have narcolepsy, so it is dangerous for me to drive anyway). I want him to consider my feelings when making decisions, but to also BE A MAN and make his own decisions, based on what he thinks is right and not what I want. I want to feel protected, guided, and, most of all, feminine in all aspects. In the bedroom, I want to feel wanted, almost violently so, but I do not want anything humiliating or painful. It is a difficult balance in a relationship, and perhaps one that many people think expects too much for too little. It's definitely sexist - and I don't care. Sexism turns me on.

Anyway. I'm 18, and he's 19. We've been close for over a year and a half but are only in our fourth month of a relationship. Things have been going amazingly well. He is the man I want to marry, and he's already expressed a desire to marry me, many times! There's one major problem, though.

He's completely vanilla. He's shy, he's sweet, he's romantic, and he's submissive because he's terrified of conflict. He doesn't like being submissive. He's actually full of quite a bit of bottled-up anger due to all the submissive, doormat-style behavior he engages in with friends, family, co-workers, etc. I desperately want to bring out the confident, powerful man I know he is, but I just haven't been able to! I've discussed some aspects of my desire with him, but I've left out some of the important stuff. He doesn't seem to understand how vital having my ideal relationship is to me. I've reached an age where my fantasy future's timeline has started to overlap with real life, and in the absence of my dream life, I'm finding myself struggling to plan a more vanilla future for myself. I don't want it, you know?

I'm rambling. Basically, I want to know how to help my boyfriend to overcome his culturally-conditioned wimpiness and take on the role of the man I know he can be. Please, ask questions if it will help you provide better constructive advice, as it is late, I am tired, and I'm quite certain I left something important out.