When I was fresh out of high school I visited my mother's relatives in England. My uncle took me to dinner where the hostess, a lovely Indian woman, read my tarot cards. She got only a couple cards into it before a curious look crossed her face and she asked me quite directly, "Are you a sadist?" I did what any 18-year-old American virgin would do. I laughed it off uncomfortably and then suppressed it for many, many, many years.

I've spent the last 17 years in a sexless relationship. I now accept that I am a Dom, that I always have been, and that I desire to control. I'm still married, and am struggling to find my way with who I am. Where it will go with my current relationship I have no idea. I have found a sub that I have grown to care for tremendously. It will be a long distance arrangement, which I acknowledge will be fraught with as much frustration as satisfaction for both of us.

I found this site as I was exploring what bdsm was all about. To say that I'm new to this would be an understatement. I will look to your guidance and experience to help me to realize who I am.

Thanks for being so welcoming. Please be patient with my many, many questions.