I have spent the last few years observing, getting to know and learning from other members of this site. The chat room is a place where all different kinds of personalities come together and mingle, meet, sometimes pair off, sometimes lament their inability to find the right one and sometimes just seek reassurance from others. The one thing I have noticed that is always present is submissives who seem to lack confidence in themselves. Maybe they were mentally abused by a Dominant, maybe they had a bad childhood, there are so many reasons.

From the start, I was taught that to submit your will, body, mind and whole self to your Master/Dom/me, you must first have confidence and be self aware. How can you give something to another that you are not yourself possessed of? This question always nags at my mind. I see young or new subs come into chat and they speak of themselves as if they are worth nothing. They have no self confidence, no love for who they are.

IMHO you really cannot love another if you don't first love yourself. The same goes for submission. You cannot fully submit to the will of another without first knowing what you are giving to them. Yes, my Master teaches me, guides me, Owns me and is the One who controls me. But before I could kneel before Him and accept his Ownership and give Him my submission, I had to know what I was giving.

When you have been broken down by things in your life that leave you hopeless and self-loathing, it takes a long time to figure out who you are and really be able to look at yourself and accept what you see. I know this because I was there once too. I had to tell my Master, "I am not ready yet. I need to find myself and love myself before I can give You what You deserve." Fortunately for me, He was patient, because HE knew that I was meant for Him and that I could be no other Master's slave long before I figured it out.

My point, I guess, is....It is only natural to seek a Dominant or Master to serve and to want that so badly you can't think straight. You need that guidance and you need that control because it is who you are. But before you kneel and pledge yourself to anyone, be sure you know and love yourself. If you don't respect yourself, you can never fully understand what you are giving when you submit to another.

It took me a LONG time to figure that out. A few failed relationships and some real soul searching made me realize that I could not be the submissive/slave He deserves when I could not even hold my head up with pride at who I was first.

Even now, when I am not feeling like I am good enough, I have a mantra, given to me by Master....."I am worthy." And I have to remember to tell myself that every day.

~fyre~